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With our messy pasts, it isn’t difficult for either of us to shove hurt, tension, or burdens aside. To mask them with big smiles and words of reassurance. To put on a show while our demons eat us alive.
During the hike, I will store my worry in thedeal with it laterpile. But the moment we return home, if I don’t see his smile, his real smile, I refuse to let it go. Refuse to drop the subject until he tells me what has him restless.
I love Jensen too much. And he would do the same for me in a heartbeat.
FIVE
JENSEN
Yep,I am going to puke.
Why did I tell myself this was a good idea? Not the three-mile trail—I have barely broken a sweat during the hike. But bringing Sam out here, to this epic place, with the intent of getting down on one knee and proposing.
Because you love her, dumbass.
Because I love her and can’t imagine a single day of the future without her.
One after another, I take deep breaths as we approach the lookout. During my hours of online research before the trip, one spot kept popping up in my search of Cannon Beach hiking trails. An elevated view of Cannon Beach from the trail in Ecola State Park. The spot had been marked by countless hikers on a trails app. A spot we are now mere feet from.
Please, God, don’t let me puke. Not now.
Sam peels her pack from her shoulders and sets it on the ground. She steps close to the edge of the view point, props her hands on her hips, and inhales deeply as she takes in the view.
“Wow,” she says, barely above a whisper.
Wow is my exact thought as I take in the sight of her in this place. Her dark locks, secured in a ponytail, fly with the breeze. Her profile brighter with the smile on her lips. And the way her whole body comes alive at the view… it steals my breath.
Damn, I am a lucky man.
Unshouldering my own pack, I set it beside hers. But I don’t step up next to her to look at the sights. There will be time for that later.
Instead, I dig inside my right front pocket and pull out the rose gold band with a much larger opal than her promise ring. A ring that signifies much more than the promise ofone day.This ring is a vow of forever. Something I can’t wait to start with Sam.
Two more deep breaths—in and out, in and out. I inch closer to where she stands but stay back and just out of her line of sight. Then I drop on one knee, ignore the bite of rocks in my flesh, and hold the ring up as I wait for Sam to turn around and spot me.
“Jensen, what’re you—” Sam spins around in search of me and slaps a hand over her mouth. “Oh my…” Tears well in her eyes as she stumbles closer. “Jensen.” My name is a whisper on her lips. “Oh my god.”
Sweat slicks my skin as my heart races. A fresh bout of nausea hits. And I can’t seem to catch my breath.
“Sam,” I croak out, then clear my throat. “Sam, I had this whole day mapped out. Wanted to make it as special for you as you are to me. I never thought I’d be this nervous. That I’d lose sleep and be so beside myself.” I laugh and Sam joins in. “I loved you before I put a promise ring on your finger. Before we decided to be more than friends. But I didn’t want to rush you or us. You mean the world to me, Samantha Benson.” I take a deep breath and swallow the emotional lump in my throat. “And I’d love nothing more than if you’d be my wife. If you’d stand by me forever.”
Tears trail parallel lines on her cheeks, but she doesn’t move or wipe them away. She simply stares at me, full of shock and awe.
“Sam, will you marry me?”
My heart bangs wildly against my rib cage as I wait for Sam to react. As I wait for her to answer. Say yes and wrap her arms around my neck. Say yes and beg me to slip the ring on her finger. Say yes and announce our engagement to the world from the cliffside.
But she hasn’t moved. Hasn’t said a word.
Has she taken a breath in the last minute?
Shit.
Did I get this all wrong? Did I misinterpret the signs? Does she not want to marry me?
Bile claws up my throat and hits the back of my mouth. Dread floods my bloodstream and situates itself in every cell in my body. With each new breath, my body sags forward another inch. Caves in on itself. Starts the process of shutting down, of going into protection mode.
If this is it, if this is the end of us, I won’t survive. Sam is my lifeline. The one person I lean on when life gets too heavy. My North Star in the darkest nights. The shining beacon of hope in my life.
