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A heavy exhale leaves me slowly as I watch the clouds surround us.
I don’t even want to think about them. So yeah, I won’t be reaching out to any of them, but if worse comes to worst, I know Brett would be there for me. He’s a last resort.
At the thought of what I left years ago – and why – the knots in my stomach tighten and I have to readjust in my seat, pulling out the magazine I bought during my two-hour wait at the terminal.
I’d rather think about Madox and all the dirty shit he did to me than what his group of friends – myformerfriends – will think of me coming back.
The plane dips and so does my stomach, as if it’s some sign to stop thinking about him, but in true fashion, it only causes a blush to rise to my cheeks. When all’s said and done, I’m left feeling like I’m hiding a secret from however many people are on this plane, holding a wrinkled issue of the most recent edition ofElle Décorin my hands.
Oops.
I take a minute to smooth it out, trying to pull myself together.Soon I’ll be able to afford something in these glossy pages.
The clouds stream past on the other side of the cool window and I watch until they’re beneath us and we’re riding in nothing but a vibrant hue of blue.
It’s better for me that I take this position, even if it is in New York.I don’t know how many times I’ve told myself that. It’s best that I work for a company with an established background and steady clients lined up. I’m damn good at what I do, and things are finally going my way.
I know how to turn failing businesses around and I can spot an error in marketing faster than a new bakery can post to Instagram with a rookie mistake – perfectly decorated cupcakes, plus a sink full of dirty dishes in the background. Love is in the details, and I know every damn detail that matters.
But I’m young for the industry, in my mid-twenties. San Francisco was … expensive. Bills added up and I’m ashamed that I couldn’t afford it all myself. I took a risk investing everything that I had into myself, my brand, my company.
I have to swallow hard after the next breath. Pride is a lumpy fucker. I was going to let Trish keep bailing me out and covering my half of the rent. But this is a stable job with no risk. It’s where I could hope to be ten years from now on my own. This job is a blessing, even if it’s coming after falling a little short on my own.
I’d do it all over again if I could. I’ll always invest in myself and my passions. Even if I had to work for free just to fill out a résumé. That’s where I went wrong, I think. I felt bad for people I knew could succeed if only their branding were more to market, if only they invested in advertising, if only they managed their social media better… if only, if only, if only. If only I’d charged them what I should have, instead of going above and beyond, all while working pro bono.
At least word got around that I’m good at what I do.It was worth it.For a position as a branding advisor in Candor Designs, the most sought-after marketing firm in the country.
It was worth it, and everything happens for a reason. I may not have made money, but I made a damn good name for myself.
As I’m toeing my satchel back under the seat in front of me, I barely look up and catch the flight attendant telling me about the drink cart and how only cards are accepted. The smile on my face is a genuine response. I open the magazine pretending I’m not still thinking about my first love and how every minute that passes, I’m getting that much closer to him.
Our memories are what make us who we are. The majority of mine from when I grew up are consumed with Madox, although I’ve been able to avoid them since I moved away. Most of the time, anyway.
That giddiness, that fear I felt only moments ago when the plane took off is familiar to me. It’s the same thing I feel when I think of Madox. Every time. I’ve never stopped loving him, but sometimes fate simply doesn’t let love be enough.
I’m not going to spend the entire flight thinking about him. I’m starting over, not looking back. My resolve is firm as I turn the pages of the magazine.
I just hope I don’t see him again. After all, New York is filled with so many people. And there’s only one of him. Even if he rules the city.
CHAPTER2
Sophie
Seven years ago
It’s different when there’s no one else with us. Last week I didn’t want anyone else around, but now? The thought of being alone with him makes my skin heat with a fire I’ve never felt before.
“Hey.” Madox nudges my elbow with his as he leans in closer and asks me, “You want to get out of here?”
The thumpity-thump inside my chest can’t be ignored. It’s so loud I’m sure everyone in here can hear it.
“Where do you want to go?” I ask him, knowing that even before he gives me an answer, “yes” is already waiting to slip past my lips.
“Name it,” he tells me like that it’s that easy. “We can go wherever you want.”
Alone. Is there a place calledAlone? Somewhere we can be by ourselves.
I want to see what this fire turns into when he touches me.
