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“I’m so sorry, I can come back another time,” I murmur and reach behind me for the doorknob, feeling like a fucking asshole, but Adrienne tells me to stay.
“Your presentation was wonderful. I know Lara was impressed.” Her tone is muted, her energy drained.
“Thank you. That’s what I…” I pause and step forward, and she motions for me to sit. I shake my head and tell her, “I just wanted to thank you. That’s all. I really appreciate you giving me a chance, and I’m so happy it went well today.” I don’t even know what words just came out of my mouth because I’m so distracted by how distraught Adrienne is. And how she’s pretending like she isn’t.
“I’m thrilled to hear that,” she says politely and nods.
I nod back and feel awkward about it. “I’ll go now,” I tell her but as I turn, she explains, “I’m getting a divorce and apparently I’m more upset about it than I realized.”
Slowly, I turn back to her, a sharp agony piercing through me from her confession. “I’m so sorry.” My words are sincere, and I hope she can feel that. “If there’s anything I can do,” I start to offer, but I can’t imagine what that would be.
“It’s not your fault, dear, no reason to be sorry. I’ll be fine. I shouldn’t have put all that on you.” Adrienne lifts her bag onto her chair and pulls out a mirror, setting it on her desk.
“It’s okay to walk away if it’s not right,” I offer the woman who obviously knows more than me about life, mostly to comfort her, but I feel ridiculous. What would I know about marriage? Let alone divorce. I simply feel bad for her.
Adrienne gives me a sad smile and says, “It’s not really okay. I find myself running away from everything and I really want to run toward something, but my something isn’t here anymore.” Her voice gets tight and just as I reach out to her, she shakes it off, backing away and leaving me with my hand in the air.
I let it fall slowly as she wipes haphazardly under her eyes and forces her demeanor back to what I’ve known it to be. “You got the invitation for the client dinner, correct?”
I start to answer, but my throat is dry and I have to clear it before I answer her, “Tomorrow night?”
“Yes, it’s going to be lovely. Certainly dress to impress, dear.” She glances at me and then adds, “After all, we are the best of the best.” Adrienne faces the mirror, tidying up her makeup and I shift uneasily where I stand.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” I tell her, turning toward the door. She only nods, looking down for a moment before looking back in the mirror and bringing her Dior lipstick to her thin lips.
There’s a hollowness that follows me as I walk away.
I never thought about life the way she worded it. I was always running away, but I never looked up to see what I was running toward.
CHAPTER13
Madox
Four years ago
It used to be that she’d stay away for days. But if I texted her to come, she would.
Then those days turned into weeks. And then she was busy.
She’s not busy with someone else; it’s just work. When I do see her though, the fire that burns between us always comes back. I guess it worked the first few years because she didn’t have anything else. I know we’re both damaged in a way where we hurt each other, but we make each other feel better too. There’s no one who makes me feel better. No one but her.
“Come to dinner tonight. Six o’clock at Blue Hill,” I tell her when she answers my call. She loves that place. We have good memories there. That can only be a good thing.
“I wish you’d ask me,” she says quietly.
“Will you come to Blue Hill with me?” I ask her, knowing I shouldn’t, because recently whenever she’s been given the choice she’s chosen not to come be with me.
“We have good memories there,” she says rather than answering if she’ll come with me or not.
“We do.”
“I miss those times” she tells me and I don’t say anything back. Missing them means they’re gone and I can’t let that happen. I’ll make tonight good for her and then she’ll stay. I know she will. She can’t hide that she still loves me.
Today
The office is quiet.The sky behind me is black, and the streets beneath me are lit with the traffic of the busy city. So many people, so close.
But I feel so damn alone.
