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“Don’t leave.” The words slip from me before I can say anything else, and I take her arms in my hands, staring into her doe eyes. “Don’t leave.”
My heart pumps hot blood, hard and fast. My body is ringing and my mind screaming,it’s now or never.
“Did you know?” she asks me quietly, and it takes me a second to realize she’s referring to my mother and the shit she pulled.
“I still don’t understand what the hell you were doing there.”
“You didn’t know?” she continues to question as if I would lie to her.
“I had no fucking idea you knew my mother, let alone that she hired you.”
She considers me for a moment and then nods her head, looking as if she’s going to turn around and get back in her car she tells me, “That’s all I needed to know.”
“I want you to stay. You told me to tell you; here I am.” My voice raises when she doesn’t answer me. “I would do anything to keep you. Stay with me. Whatever happened in there doesn’t matter. None of it matters.”
I watch as she swallows and then takes a half step closer to me. “It mattered to me,” she says softly. Her lips part but she doesn’t speak, looking back at the doors to the restaurant. “I thought…”
“I know. I know, Soph. I don’t know why my mother does the shit she does, but I understand if you’re feeling low right now.” I try to phrase my next words the right way, but I don’t know how to say what I’m feeling. I just want to be her person. I want her to let me love her.
“I don’t want to fight, Madox,” she says weakly, wrapping her arms tighter around herself and it’s then that I note how cold it is. Instinctively, I try to take off my jacket, but I’m not wearing it. Fuck. I left it back in the restaurant.
Can nothing go right when it comes to us? I can’t even give her my jacket when she’s obviously freezing.
“Let’s go back inside. We don’t have to fight.”
“We always end up fighting, and I feel like--”
“The reasons we fought back then… it wasn’t dumb shit, Soph. We both went through rough shit and we were there for each other, but we were hurting.” I nearly swallow my next words, but she still looks like she’s going to run. “I hurt worse without you. I’m hurting now. I’m asking you to stay because I need you. I’m not okay. Sophie, I’m asking you to stay because I need you. Stay with me. Please.”
Her baby blue eyes widen as she looks up at me, clinging to my words.
“I realized something about myself. The way I handled things back then… When you walked away, there were things I could have said. Words that would have made you stay, because you needed to hear them. I hope I’m saying the right ones now. I don’t want you to leave here without me. I don’t want you to walk away without knowing I want you and I love you, and whatever shit my mother is doing, I don’t care about it or her. I just want you.”
“Madox,” she pleads with me as she wipes her eyes and I don’t know what the wretched sound is pleading for. It’s hard to swallow, but it’s harder to swallow unspoken words and know she may never give me another chance to speak them.
“I was afraid to talk to you back then. I was scared I’d say the wrong thing and you’d leave me, and I’d never see you again. Now I’m afraid even if I do say the right words, you’re still going to leave me because it’s too late.”
“Madox, I never knew you were scared… You were never anything but strong.” Her voice hitches on the last word as she repeats, “I didn’t know,” and she covers her face with both of her hands as her shoulders hunch over. The first sob is soft, but the second is harder, louder, wracking every piece of her.
“Come here,” I say and pull her in close, holding her as tight as I can as she wraps her arms around me. Her fingers dig into me, clinging to me. Everyone could be watching us right now and I wouldn’t give two shits. I just don’t want her to leave me.
Please, don’t leave me.
“Tell me if I didn’t say the right things.” I rock her gently as I speak; her hair brushes against my lips. “I’ve never done this before,” I whisper, being open with my insecurity.
“I just wanted,” she starts to say, and her words are strangled as tears leak freely from the corners of her eyes. She peers into mine, searching for something and I hope she finds exactly what she’s looking for.
“Madox, the problem—my problem—is that I don’t see what value I could possibly bring to you.” I can hear her heart beat harder, feeling it thump against my chest. “I’ve only ever been a burden.” As the shock of her words hit me, tears stream down her face.
“Sophie--”
“No, let me, please. Please let me finish.” The tips of her fingers touch my lips as she softly says, “Please.”
The very real fear of her leaving me right now because she doesn’t think she’s worthy destroys me; I can’t move an inch while I wait for her to finish.
“I don’t see how I’m deserving of you. We were never on equal ground, and I could never give you anything in return like what you gave me.”
Time slows, and everything blurs around her. How could she think she was undeserving? How is that even possible?
