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“It’s just that I’m going back-” Emma starts to say, but I’m shutting that shit down. She can tell me she hates what I do, over and over again. I can live with that. But I won’t let her think that she’s just an easy lay for me. Joking around? Sure. But actually believing it? No. She better fucking not.
“This isn’t me thinking you’re a one-night stand.I want you.” I emphasize the last part and feel a prickling sensation along my skin as she stares back at me. I can see she’s deciding whether or not she believes me. I’ve never given her any reason not to, but it’s been so long. I still feel everything from back then as if it was yesterday. I can only hope she does, too.
“Just give me the night to convince you,” I plead with her. I know I fucked tonight up. I know she’s worried about the shit I do, and the man I am. But I just need her touch. “Don’t think about anything else. It’s just you and me right now.”
I turn the car onto the exit ramp, and now I have to go one of two ways. Left takes me home; right takes me to her sister’s.
“Just tonight?” I ask her, keeping my car in the left lane, but looking behind me in the rearview, ready to steer the car to the right if she tells me to.
Finally, she nods and answers, “Just tonight.” My body relaxes slightly, the adrenaline still coursing through me.
I have her for the night. If nothing else, I have her for tonight.
CHAPTER9
Emma
My body feels so hot, and then so cold, alternating between the two and leaving me feeling helpless. I’ve never felt so anxious, so uncomfortable before. So worried. My fingers touch the dip in my throat as I glance at Derek and then back out of the window.
Derek’s calmed down some, but I haven’t. How can he be so at ease after what just happened?
The guy had it coming to him, but it was just so intense.
I look out of the window and watch all of the beautiful houses pass by as he drives us through his neighborhood. They put my sister’s house to shame.
I’m barely taking them in though. I’m too worked up and on edge, preoccupied with visions of him gripping that asshole by the collar and lifting him nearly off the ground.
I’ve never seen him like that.
I’ve never seenanyonelike that.
I don’t like it. It was sexy as fuck in some ways. But it scares me.Hescares me. I swallow thickly, closing my eyes at the realization.
I’ve always known he was a bad boy. I’ve only ever had glimpses though. I don’t like seeing it up close and personal. I don’t want it to be true.
We pull into Derek’s driveway, my thoughts paused as I wait with bated breath to get out.
I couldn’t tell him no. What’s worse is that, even with a hint of fear, I still want him. Maybe even more now than I did before.
He gets out first and I move to open my door, but he motions for me to stop.
Sagging back in my seat, I watch as he walks around the front of the car. I take a deep breath and try to calm my nerves. I’m completely head over heels for him, even after what just happened. Ever since I walked away from him, I’ve never felt the way I had when we were together, and I’m terrified to lose it again. To never feel that way again for the rest of my life.
Fear of loss is making me cling to him.
I’m so fucked. This is all just fucked.
He opens my door and offers me his hand. I accept it with a soft smile although there’s hesitation in my action. I find myself looking at his knuckles, wanting to see if it’s the one he bruised and cut, but it’s not.
He squeezes my hand, and it calms me down. The door clicks shut, and the cold makes me unconsciously step even closer to him. He makes me feel delicate and protected.
This is the side of him that I know. This gentle side that treats me as if I deserve the world. This is the man I know, but there’s more to him.
I want to know all of him. Not just the small part he’s willing to show me.
I don’t know if he’ll ever open up though. The thought makes my heart pang in my chest.
Is it so bad that I want to help him? I feel like I can. Like it’s what I was meant to do.
