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So many questions rushed me. I kept wondering if it was real. Did it really happen?
Nathan dragged me down the street as I barely managed to keep up with him. Towing me by the arm and asking me over and over if I was okay. Physically I was fine; emotionally I was shaken, but I couldn’t answer him.
Maybe I was in shock. I don’t know, but when we stopped in front of the liquor store I stumbled and tried to figure out why we were there.
“The cops are coming,” he told me.
My voice was caught in my throat. “Say something!” Nathan screamed as he shook me and although my memory is biased, I swear I saw fear.
“He’s dead?” The words somehow slipped out.
Nathan stared at me as the realization dawned on me.
“They’ll never know you had anything to do with it,” he told me and then he let go of my hand. He ran a hand down the side of my face and now I know he was saying goodbye, one last touch, but I didn’t understand it back then. I tried to hold his hand as he lowered it, but he pulled it away.
“You need to leave, Hally.”
I stared up at him, dumbfounded and unsteady.
But the man was dead, the cops were here and I was looking into the cold eyes of the boy I loved so much. I’d never felt more alone and guilty in my entire life.
CHAPTER19
Nathan
Inever dared to dream I could have her again. Not after I was so cold to her and distanced myself so completely. And now all I can see is her slowly slipping away from me after the way she acted in that meeting.
Our strides are in unison as we walk toward her dressing room, but I grab her hand with mine and keep moving, and she follows me. Just that acknowledgement is enough for me to wrap my arm around her waist, bringing her closer to me and holding her right where she belongs.
Next to me.
I had my reason for killing that piece of shit already in place before the cops even got there. I was going to tell them the dumb fuck had tried to mug me, and I hadn’t meant to kill him. I was pretty sure I’d still serve time, even without any priors, but she had nothing to do with it and I would never let her get caught up in the shit life I led.
It was the only way I saw her getting away from it. She had to get away from me.
I open the dressing room door in a swift movement and wait for Hally before I step in, closing the door and locking it immediately.
I need to hold her, comfort her, hear whatever she’s thinking. I tell myself that as I stare at the doorknob and prepare to turn around and face her.
I’m guiltridden all over again and I know the easy thing to do is just leave. But there’s no good that can come from that. Back then, it made sense to a stupid boy who was scared but didn’t want someone he loved to go down with him.
Times have changed and I need to make it right, but I don’t know how. How could she ever forgive me?
“Is it just for the cameras?” Hally asks me. The chair to the desk rocks on its front legs as she pushes it slightly from behind. She doesn’t look me in the eyes as she clenches her jaw, waiting for an answer.
“What are you talking about?” I ask her out of pure shock. That’s not at all what I expected to come out of her mouth. I approach her slowly, but she squares her shoulders and looks back at me defensively.
“You said today, you’d do it to get them off your back,” she says again, not looking at me and instead looking at the door. My heartbeat picks up. It’s just like before. A massive fight over nothing and then she’ll run. I can feel it coming.
“Ourbacks,” I tell her and finally she looks up at me, but it’s with daggers.
“You saidyours,” she says as her nostrils flare.
“I’m used to being alone,” I answer her. “It was a-” she cuts me off right before the word "mistake.”
“Is that what you want?”
“If I wanted to be alone, I would be,” I tell her with a deathly low voice and take a chance moving closer to her. She backs away slightly, like my touch would burn her so I stop short. Hating that she’s doing this.
