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Chapter Eighteen
Dinah slowly climbed the grand stairs, the letter she carried crinkling as she also held her skirt in the same hand. Charlotte had written her again. She’d received a letter from Rachel the day before, and one from Eliza two days before then. She’d yet to reply to any of them.
They’d all been so certain that Dinah could convince Henry to love her. They’d all been so certain that this marriage would work.
What was she to write back?
That Henry was, indeed, everything she’d ever hoped for in a husband? That he was considerate, passionate over his convictions, and far too tempting? That he’d gotten her a full-length mirror, saw to it that drinking chocolate was served to her every morning, that he’d even bought her a horse? That, as he’d explained that a stranger had been asking questions about her in Town, his voice had been filled with concern for her?
Or should she write the other side of the truth?
That he never, not once, tried to kiss her? That they slept in separate bedchambers, and there were no signs of that ever changing? That no matter how well they rubbed together, he was stubbornly refusing any romance between them?
Dinah reached the landing and slowed her walk to a stop. No. She probably wouldn’t write any of it. Last time she’d replied to her family, she’d told them how happy she and Henry were. How lucky they felt that they’d found a good match in one another, despite everything. She dropped her skirt and lifted the letter up, not bothering to smooth it.
They didn’t need to worry about her. She’d just have to write them and say the same half-truths she had last time. Hopefully, if she sounded happy enough in her letters, her family wouldn’t feel obligated to visit and check in on her. Which would be a disaster. Because if they came for a visit, Dinah wouldn’t be able to pretend around them.
What was so wrong with her that Henry didn’t even want to kiss her?
Young, boyish laughter echoed about her. Dinah lifted her gaze—but this was not where she expected to be. She turned about. Good heavens, she’d been so lost in thought, she’d climbed an extra flight of stairs without even realizing it. She was near the nursery now, one floor above the family wing.
Dinah tiptoed toward the nursery door, which hung slightly open. Inside, David Jr. seemed to be instructing Little Eddie on how to play soldiers.
“Uncle Jeffrey says you have to stick your chest out,” David Jr. said.
Little Eddie mumbled something in response which Dinah was too far away to hear. Even Baby John gurgled in reply.
What dear boys the three of them were. An ache swelled in her heart. Would sheeverknow the joy of having children? Henry wasn’t even willing to entertain the idea of a kiss; she had no idea how she was going to convince him they ought to have a baby. Her shoulders drooped, and she moved away from the nursery door until her back was pressed up against the opposite wall.
What was she doing here? Playing at being a happy wife? Charlotte had encouraged her to give it time. And she had. Only, Henry still showed no signs of budging on his “married in name only” stance. She loved that he stood by his beliefs whole-heartedly, she adored that he fought for what he felt was right. But did keeping her at arm’s length really have to be one of them?
He was a good man and had become her dearest friend. They spoke together with ease, they agreed on most things, even if he did like to plan things out to the point of exhaustion and she preferred to jump in feet first. Still, now that she truly knew Henry, she didn’t want any other man.
Dinah wrapped her arms around herself as she listened to the boy’s play for several minutes, her whole soul hurting. She loved her new family, but what if this was all there ever was? A house full of familial love, but none of it truly meant for her?
“Dinah?” Henry’s deep voice came from the stairs.
She didn’t turn and look his way.
“Are you well?” he asked, moving up closer to her.
Of course, he didn’t draw inthatclose. Dinah’s gaze stayed on his boots as he stood a pace or two away. Too far for him to reach out and take her hand. Too far for her to see deep into his eyes or lean against him should she wish it.
Slowly, she lifted her gaze. She was so tired of waiting and hoping and pretending all was well. She didn’t even try to smile.
“Are you upset by what Lewis learned? Because you must know that I would never let anything happen to you.”
Dinah pushed off the wall and stood straight. She’d tried to be the perfect wife. Supportive, loving, patient. But perhaps the time for being a sweet wife was over.
Henry had a lot of bluster, but he didn’t intimidate her. Not his dark scowls nor his stern dismissals. If playing byhisrules, if staying withinhisboundaries, wasn’t working, it was time she drew on the courage her father instilled in her and face the hard truths.
“Is there another woman you love?”
His eyes grew wide. “What?”
His utter shock at her words gave her some comfort. He didn’t appear guilty, at least.
“What the blazes ever put that in your mind?” he sputtered.
