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Charlotte nodded, her head bumping gently against Dinah’s. “It can be. Simply put, to love someone—truly love them—you have to be willing to be vulnerable. You have to be willing to be open and honest. And, in that position, it is easy to get hurt. When you’ve opened yourself up and allowed yourself to connect with another, you, in essence, give them the power to affect you more than anyone else. They can use that power any way they want, to lift you up or to drag you down.”
“But I have done that. I’ve willingly cared for him, waited for him to come around.”
“I don’t know Lord Stanton as well as you do. But if he’s a good man, then it might just be that you need to be willing yet a while longer.”
Dinah drew back. “You mean, continue to be vulnerable and open, after I’ve done so forweeksnow, while he hasn’t once been willing to do the same for me?”
“Yes.” Charlotte placed an elbow on the table and rested her cheek against her hand. “Love is not fair, I’m afraid to say. But I believe if you keep showing him that you are brave enough to stay open to a deeper relationship, he’ll eventually see it’s safe for him to do so as well.”
The prospect sounded terrifying. Far worse than all of society rejecting her. Worse than a dangerous mission from Mr. Harding. Worse than a rat sneaking into her bed in the middle of the night.
“I don’t know if I can do that,” Dinah said, her voice barely a whisper.
“I have confidence you can.” Charlotte placed a hand on Dinah’s. “You are one of the most fearless women I have ever known. Getting up every day, uncertain if your love will be returned, but loving your husband regardless—I can think of no greater endeavor than that.”
Dinah met Charlotte’s gaze. Could she do it? Could she continue to show love to a man who was disinterested? Only, Dinah wasn’t so sure hewasdisinterested. She’d seen the spark of desire in his eyes, at least she thought she had. It seemed more like he was...too broken to receive her love. The thought only made her want to try harder. He deserved a love-filled life as much as she did. Wasn’t a joyful life with Henry worth the work now? In five years, in ten years, she would hate herself if she looked back and knew she’d given up.
“I think I need to go back,” Dinah found herself saying.
Charlotte broke into a broad smile. “If that is what your heart is saying, then I think you should.”
Now that she’d said the words aloud, her entire being seemed filled with energy. Without a doubt, she needed to return to Angleside Court. It was like Charlotte had said—this wouldn’t be easy, but she wasn’t about to succumb to the uncertainty. She would face this marriage with the same fearlessness that she’d faced every other challenge in her life. She knew this one would be different on one account, however. Instead of one grand moment of courage, this would take daily, consistent, small acts of bravery.
But she could do it. She could be fearless in a daily, consistent way.
“Thank you,” she said, pressing her cheek against Charlotte’s. “What would I ever have done without you?”
“Oh, probably died young and penniless,” she teased.
Dinah stood. “If you will excuse me.”
“But you’ve hardly eaten.”
“I’ve far too much to see to if I want to be back home by tomorrow night.”
Dinah hurried from the room, filled with that special kind of excitement that only came when a previously cloudy path was suddenly made clear.
Dinah sent a quick prayer up for her abigail. The young woman was going to hate Dinah after she heard the news.
* * *
Sitting at the desk in his office, Henry looked out of the large window.
Dinah had left yesterday morning.
It had been barely more than twenty-four hours since she’d climbed into an elegant carriage with the Blackmore crest emblazoned on the side.
What a coward he’d been. She’d asked if it was all right to go. He’d almost believed she’d been asking for him to request she stay. But he hadn’t. The memories of the past had been too overwhelming. Speaking of the late Lady Stanton had opened the wounds for him in a more powerful way than he’d ever imagined. Even after she’d called to him through the door and apologized, he still hadn’t been able to go to her. The betrayal and abandonment felt too fresh and raw.
He wished he had, though. As long as he lived, he would regret that he hadn’t gone and opened the door and pulled Dinah into one last hug before she left.
Henry leaned back in his chair and turned his eyes toward the ceiling and the ornate design thereon. He’d gone and done the very thing he’d solemnly sworn he’d never do—he’d grown attached to his wife. More than that.
He’d fallen in love with Dinah.
What a bacon-brained, idiotic thing for a man to do.
And now she had left, as he’d always known she would. They hadn’t spoken yesterday as she’d prepared to leave. He knew she was going to a place called Curio Manor but didn’t know how long she’d be there or if she’d be continuing on with her family to the home of her Aunt Grace. Her father lived near there. Perhaps she was using this trip to Curio Manor to discreetly leave Angleside Court altogether and return to live in the home where she’d been raised.
