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“Oh,” said Emma, frowning. “I see. He is not the love match you hoped for.”
Olivia shook her head sorrowfully. “No, he is not. I have tried so hard to fall in love with him, Emma. But it just has not happened.”
She bit her lip, hesitating again. Should she tell her friend about Captain Fletcher?
She took a deep breath. She was very nervous talking about this at all. What would Emma say?
“It seems I have developed a passion for Captain Fletcher,” she said, in a strangled voice. “He has kissed me three times now.”
Emma’s jaw dropped. “What? But I thought you loathed the man!”
Olivia reddened. “Well, I do. Or I did. But I have always thought him a devilishly handsome man and been very attracted to him. He has a magnetic presence.” She shivered just thinking of that magnetism. “And when he touches me, it is indescribable, Emma. It is like my whole body comes alive.”
“But do you love him?” Emma still looked shocked.
Olivia looked away for a moment. “I am confused about my feelings towards him,” she replied eventually. “Sometimes, I just want to strangle him. But I seem to want to be around him as well.
He is so dynamic, Emma. It is like he fills the room with his presence. And he keeps me on my toes.” She blinked back tears, as she realised the truth of what she was saying. “I feel challenged by him in a way I do not with Bertie. As if life is interesting and unpredictable. An adventure.”
“Has he declared himself to you?” asked Emma, in a quiet voice. “Has he said that he loves you, or that he cares for you, when he kisses you?”
Olivia shook her head slowly. “No. He is quite adamant on the subject. He does not believe in love or marriage.” She tried to laugh. “You heard what his sister said the other day. His heart has been broken. I finally understand now why he is the way he is about it.”
“Oh dear,” said Emma, in the same quiet voice. “That does not sound promising. Neither of you are sure about your feelings for each other, despite the passion. It is volatile, Olivia. I think the Captain will breakyourheart if you decide to pursue what is between you.”
Olivia blinked back tears. She knew her friend was right. Besides, how could she refuse a good match like Bertie based on the flimsy thread of connection between her and the Captain? He would get sick of her eventually, moving on to the next lady.
It was inevitable without any stronger feelings between them. And she would still be unmarried. She had spent the whole season cultivating her relationship with Bertie and it would be an entire year before the next season when she would have another chance to find love.
“Perhaps love and passion will grow between you and Lord Bertram,” said Emma. “It happens. He is a very good match, as you say.”
“Perhaps,” said Olivia, biting her lip. “I shall have to seriously contemplate it, Emma. I still do not know what my answer shall be.”
Emma placed a hand gently on her arm. “Do what is right for you, dearest. I want you to be as deliriously happy with your choice as I am with mine. That is what I want for you with all my heart.”
Olivia felt a lump in her throat. “You are such a good friend, Emma. How glad I am that your father brought you along when I was so sick. You have always been my guardian angel. And I am over the moon to hear your wonderful news. You truly deserve a man who loves you.”
They hugged fiercely again. Olivia knew she had a lot to think about. For as her friend had said, Bertie would probably propose any day now. And what was her answer going to be?
She had been so sure about it. So certain that she would accept Bertie. But now, she simply had no idea what she was going to say to him. Thanks to Captain Fletcher, she did not know her own mind at all anymore.
She knew it was ridiculous. She did not understand anything. And now, she was dreading when Bertie would propose to her. It should be one of the happiest days of her life, but Captain Fletcher had changed all that. She felt like her entire life had been turned upside down and she was suffering with vertigo. Her head was spinning so much it almost felt like a physical illness.
And Captain Fletcher, the man responsible for all this turmoil, was not even here. He was still in Cornwall. If only he knew what he was causing her to suffer, she thought, a tad bitterly. But maybe even if he did, he would not even care.
