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Casting through his mind to the times of Helena’s courtship, to the many nights he had uttered his love to her—but not once had she said it back. Not once. Isaac darted up in his bed and grabbed his hair; no wonder he was gun-shy of professing his love. Helena had not loved him…she had onlyentertainedhim and in doing so, soured his whole heart.
But now, the shoe was on the other foot; Louisa had said it. How hard would it be for him to the same?He felt it—God knew he felt. It was in everything he did. How he would eagerly reach forher after she had set his coffee down, and it was there when his mind turned to her at the most random times. It was there when he stretched out his arm for her, searching for her warmness in his empty bed.
He could either leave his bed and go search for her, risking discovery and scandal, or he could wait the night out and talk with her the next day. He was not sure how she would react when he told how he was going to throw caution to the wind and finalize their relationship by marrying her, but that was what he was going to do.
The late nights in the library were not enough and he hated waking up without her in hisbed in the morning. Something had to be permanent, and Louisa deserved more than to be a secret or a mistress.
Sinking back to the bed, Isaac rubbed his face, and tugged the sheets up to his chest, and tried to sleep. It did not come easy.
***
Louisa woke slowly, thepoundingin her head had dulled from the sharp pain it had been yesterday. She sat up gingerly to find that her stomach was not as upset either asthe day before.Strong sunlight rays wasfiltering through the room’s window and she pressed a hand to her head.
Oh no, half they day has gone. Mrs. Wickham must be furious.
The maladies had sent her to bed for almost a day and a half—that was a day and half worth of wages lost.She could not afford that—she had to get to work, and as she stood—and wavered—she decided to do it no matter how unsteady she was on her feet.
She moved to her washing closet just before her door was knocked on. Turning—no, that was not a good idea—she went to the door and opened it.
“Lucy?” she asked, blinking. “Is something wrong? Is Mrs. Wickham angry that I have lost so much time? I’m sorry, tell her that I will be there in a moment and that I will take up as many other shifts as I need to and I—”she pressed a hand to her head and breathed in at the sudden spike of pain“—will be there as quickly as I can.”
“No need, Louisa.” Lucy handed her a tray with a simple breakfast on it and a bag. “I can see that you are still out of sorts. Last night His Grace gave me this bag of medicine to give you this morning. I thought it best to carry some food to you so your stomach will not be empty when you take the medicine.”
“Oh—” she said while reaching out of the tray. “That is so kind of you and of His Grace.”
“Very much so,” Lucy said. “I have never known a man of his stature to personally get medicine for a maid. Is there something special between you two?”
The question had her blood running cold and her body flashing hot and cold in panic. Before she felt herself start to pink, Louisa said,“I don’t know what you mean. The most interactionwe have iswhen I bring him his morning meal or when I dust the library while he is working. He’sexceedingly kind in those times, and we have conversed a bit. He does not talk down to me at all.”
Lucy shrugged.“Well he did say that he appreciates your effort while working, so…I suppose. He is a peculiar man, isn’t he?”
“I would rather say that he is a unique man, not like the rest of his peers who thinks of us as immaterial fluff, to be looked over or walked on,” Louisa said as she reached into the bag and pulled out two tinctures, one for headache and the other for her stomach. “I am exceedingly glad I came to work here.”
“Me too, to be honest,” Lucy said, twisting her hand in her apron. “My Mother and sister back in Leeds depend on me and what I sent home. It’snot much but what I do send is enough for them to have food on their table.”
Louisa rested the tray on her bare table. “Thank you, Lucy. I will be down as soon as I can.”
“I will tell Mrs. Wickham?” Lucy smiled, then left.
Closing the door after her, Louisa nearly sagged againstit and breathed in deeply to slow her thudding heart. That was way too close a call and she wondered if Lucy or any other maid had spotted her going to Isaac’s room in the dead of nightor coming back from it in the early morning.
I will not be doing that again.
She moved to the washing closet and rinsed her mouthbefore going back to her meal. After reading the instructions on the stomach medicine, she drank some before eating and waited for a while.
Lucy’s question made Louisa realize something crucial; she did not know what her position in Isaac’s life was. All this time they had been companionsand lovers but was she going to be his downstairs secret like other maids-turned-mistresses until he tired of her and moved on?
Perhaps it is best if we stay away from each other for a while.
It was the smartest recourse—but the mere suggestion made her stomach sink deeply within her. It was going to hurt—but it was for the best.
