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“It just feels as though everything is falling apart. I know with everything in my heart that when I marry Charles, I will not be happy. I do not even want to touch him, Ann. I see him as a friend. Nothing more.”
“I know that you do not want to hear this, but maybe you just need to give things a chance. You are giving up before you even try.”
It was then that Matilda’s attention got stolen by the realization that they were by the stables. And there Aaron stood with his beautiful chestnut mare underneath the mid-day sunlight. If Matilda was not mistaken, he looked as though he had been blushing. And Ann caught it too, giving Matilda a raised eyebrow.
To Matilda’s surprise, Ann makes the first move to go and admire the horses. That brought them much closer to Aaron himself. She could sense his warmth just from where she stood.
As Matilda tried to keep her composure, she petted the horses and admired their softness. Aaron’s shoulders and chest did not look soft. Those things looked like they would be firm to the touch. His arms as well, looked like they had been working for years and could take control of Matilda if they were to play fight.
Matilda forced herself to think other thoughts, watching Ann feed the horses treats. She looked genuinely happy to be interacting with the horses, whereas Matilda was genuinely happy to be within five feet of Aaron.
One thing that Matilda noticed was that Aaron was keeping his distance and ignoring her. But for whatever reason, she did not feel slighted by his actions. Instead, she had an inclination as to why he would be doing it. He did not want to anger anyone, nor did he want to overstep his boundaries. That’s what Matilda thought it all to be. She had tried to get his attention by looking in his eyes, that secret communication of theirs. But he just kept going about his work.
It was attractive to her to see him chuck hay and tend to the horses. He looked as though he was good at his job.
“See, there is more to life than reading. Look at the beauty of these animals.” Ann said while petting one, running her fingers through its soft, silky hair.
“I cannot disagree with that, Ann, but the beauty of these horses could be enjoyed while also enjoying books. My mother did not need to go and ban me from them. To take away the only thing I cared about.”
Matilda could see Aaron working a little bit more aggressively. His face had also gone beet red. Was it that he had overheard what she said and gotten angry over it? Did he care about her books being banned? If so, that meant the world to Matilda. Even after all the time apart, he was still showing signs of being invested in her.
That also gave her an idea. Maybe if she went on about it, she could get him to break his silence somehow. He had already grown so mad that it was surely inevitable.
“Your mother means well. Eventually, she may even give them all back.” Ann said.
“She threw them all out from what I was told.” Matilda stole a glance at Aaron. “All of my poetry books; all of the stories that made me happy, that I would sit under a tree and read to escape—she got rid of like they were meaningless.”
“That is quite unfair.” Aaron finally broke. Matilda had to keep herself from smiling. “Reading is a privilege. Not everyone gets it in their lifetime, and they would do anything to learn it. It is frustrating to see someone with such passion for it not be able to read.” He let out a sigh as if he knew that he should not have said anything.
Matilda could not help but look at Ann quickly just to see her reaction. Her lips were hiding like they wanted to say something to avoid letting her and Aaron speak. But she did not. She controlled herself in that respect.
“I agree with that wholeheartedly,” Matilda said, trying to quickly think of a way to capitalize off of Aaron’s anger. “I miss my books dearly. It has been such a boring few days without them. I feel like there is a part of me that is being stripped away.”
“No one should ever be stripped of their right to read and exercise their imagination. That is what it means to be human. That is our right.”
Ann rolled her eyes and shook her head but did not intervene. It made Matilda feel like she was a true friend.
“You really do feel passionate about this subject, don’t you?” Matilda asked Aaron.
“I do. There was a reason why I was able to finish that poem with you that one night.”
That one night. Just hearing those three words took her back there and made her feel as though she were sitting right there next to him once more. That one night summed up an indescribable feeling that could not be replicated. In a way, when it came to Aaron, she did not need any books because he made it seem like she was on an adventure of her own.
And there it was, the eye contact that let her know that he still felt something for her. If Ann wasn’t there, Matilda did not care; she would have kissed him and would have risked getting into more trouble.
There was something about their gaze that let her know that everything between them was not wrong. It could not be wrong to feel that way. What was wrong was whatever she had with Charles. That was wrong, and she knew that forcertainty around Aaron.
Finally, she understood what Ann meant about needing to be around someone. She thought back to sitting by the window, wondering about him, analyzing whether or not she could see his arm. That was what it meant to crave being around someone. She looked at Ann once more, almost to thank her for giving her a love guide to go by.
And then, she had an idea that she knew Ann would definitely try to stop if she caught on too soon. Matilda would have to ask the next thing quickly in order to get the plan in motion. Would it work? She wasn’t entirely sure, but it was worth a try.
“Aaron,” Matilda started. “Since we both have such an affinity for books, and we both believe in the good they can do for someone. I have a question.”
“Ask me anything?” He said as Ann wore her most sceptical face off to the side.
“Would you be willing to get the books for me and hide them in the stables?”
Ann’s lips pursed so hard together that Matilda thought they might burst. But what was done was done. There was no taking back what was said. Either Aaron would agree to it, or he wouldn’t. But Matilda knew how it would go down. His eyes told the story.
