AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter 24
Catherine watched as Aaron agreed to marriage immediately. She could not argue with the Steward’s sentiments. The way that Aaron had proceeded to display his undying love for Matilda was authentic. But he was still a commoner, someone who made his living driving horses. When looking at the situation from that angle, he was simply not a good suitor. How would he provide for her? His job was unstable. He had relatively no future. And Matilda had been destined for more than that. Catherine knew that love was a tricky thing. It could often be deceptive in the moment leading to a grim future of hardships. She did not want her daughter to have a life of struggle. She had always envisioned her in a life of wealth where she never had to suffer.
“Well, mother, what do you say to all this?” Matilda asked as everyone else in the room watched on with bated breath.
“I am at my wit's end, Matilda. I have already explained to you that I have no more power here. Like you said, no matter what I do, there with never be anything enough to keep you both apart. So, at this point in time, I honestly have nothing left to say other than that I am disappointed. I am disappointed that you place your current feelings in a level of importance over your future. I can only hope that I am wrong.”
She watched her daughter with an equal amount of disappointment on her face. They would most likely never see things from one another’s perspective, and maybe Catherine needed to realize that.
“I cannot live in fear of losing your daughter again,” Aaron says.
“I have absolutely nothing to say to you,” Catherine responded.
The disappointment only grew further on Matilda’s face. But Catherine expected it that time.
***
That night was a dark one for Catherine as she saw the day as a grim failure. She not only failed herself, but she felt like she had failed as a mother. After almost two decades of trying to lead Matilda the right way, it all seemed as though it was for nothing.
She sat in her room, the door was shut, and she had lit a candle to keep the room’s light competing with the moon outside. She had just wanted to melt away into nothingness. Matilda had been her life’s purpose. She had lived her adult life to make sure that she had everything planned out for the perfect future, and it was gone. It was not easy to reconcile with that. It was not easy to face that head-on. She wanted to be angry but knew that it would lead her nowhere. The same was said for sadness. So instead of harbouring those feelings, she sat before the moon feeling numb, empty, and lost.
Where was she to go from there? Her relationship with Matilda would always be fractured and filled with tension. Whose fault was that? Did it fall solely on the shoulders of Catherine, or did Matilda’s bear some of that blame as well? There was no way of knowing, and Catherine wasn’t sure if she even wanted to know anymore. She just wanted to sleep but knew that she would not be able to. Not that night. And not the nights that would come.
It was then that the earl, her husband came to see her. He shut the door gently behind him, and Catherine did not move a muscle. He stood there for a few seconds, most likely observing the state of the room. He confirmed that by asking, “Why are you sitting in this darkened room like this?”
“I think that it sums up the day rather nicely. That is why.”
It was as though her husband didn’t quite know what to do with himself in an awkward sense. She could sense that seeing her like the way she was made him uncomfortable. He was never good with tense situations, in marriage at least. He was always better at just sticking himself to a pile of work. Anything where there were no emotions involved, that’s, that’s where he flourished. And perhaps that was where Catherine had learned it all from by watching her husband over the years. They do say that overtime you turn into the person you marry.
“This is my fault.” He said. “This is all my fault.” He found the nerve to sit next to her.
“What is? No one could have predicted our daughter falling in love with some horse wrangler.”
“I am not speaking directly about that. I am speaking about our marriage. I have failed as a husband.”
The words were more than shocking to her ears. It wasn’t like him to speak in such ways. There was always a barrier between him and serious discussions, one in which he never crossed.
“Where is this coming from?” She looked at him but for only a second.
He grabbed her hand, but she pulled it away almost instantly. “I have been briefed on everything that has happened. I have spoken to Matilda, and I have briefly spoken with Aaron. And you know what I have learned?”
“I do not.”
“Well, I have learned actually more from Aaron than I did Matilda. I have always known our daughter and her outlook on things. But speaking with Aaron, that man will go to great lengths to show his love for our daughter. He cares about nothing but her. And I have to say it, I have not been that way with you, Catherine. I have failed you as a husband. In return, I believe you have put all your hopes in our daughter, forgetting that there is more to life than ranks and marrying off to wealthy families.”
Catherine didn’t know where to begin. She was too taken back by everything her husband was saying to her. It was shocking. It was entirely unlike him. But at the same time, it seemed as though he didn’t even need a response from her. It seemed like all he needed to do was air his grievances, and that was enough for him.
In all reality, his words had made Catherine want to cry. She had waited for him to say something like that for years.
He went to grab a book of poetry from the bookshelf, and he opened it up next to her. I think we should read this poem together. It’s about love.
