AllFreeNovel
Share Us
In the seconds before her answer, he drank her in. Her eyes were filled with life and held a difference to them. They weren’t the same eyes of the Harper he grew up with. They belonged to a woman who could satisfy him with one kiss. They belonged to a woman who had not only created his first sentiments of adult jealousy, but she created feelings for him that were uncontrollable flames. He knew he needed water to douse them but at the same time, he enjoyed watching them burn.
“Yes, you may,” she replied.
At first, they danced with tension. It didn’t feel natural, and Brian wondered if she may have been thinking about the dance they had the last time. The one where he had essentially ruined her life.
“Are you thinking about the last dance?” he asked with regret.
“I was not. I was more thrown by the matter of how you asked me to dance in the first place.”
“Did I ask you to dance strangely? You must forgive me. I have not asked many to dance in the—”
Harper laughed. “No. I don’t mean it in that way. I meant it as I was shocked to see that you asked me to dance in general. Especially after what happened between us last time.”
“Nothing happened between us.” He knew what she had been referring to. But his instincts told him to bury it. Judging from the bemused gaze she wore after that, it bothered Harper.
“You know…I will stand for the petty little arguments that we’ve had over the years that were mostly caused by me. But I will not dance with you here next to people who care about me and let you pretend as though you can erase real-life.”
“What would you suggest I say then, Harper? Fine, the kiss happened. But it meant nothing to me.”
“Then why did you do it?”
Because he cared about her. Because his feelings made him do it. “Because I was impulsive. That is all. I did it to show you what you are missing.”
Harper wore a disgusted look. But it quickly faded into acceptance. The worst kind. “Pride. That is all you ever will know. I may have been an irritation to you over the years…I may have even been nice to you more so. But I can see that none of it matters. And that is okay.”
Part of Brian wanted to undo what he had said. But the other part, it was what he had wanted. Maybe not. It was what he had needed. In those bright eyes of hers, it was like a candle had gone out behind them at that moment. He didn’t say anything else to her because there was nothing else to say.
It was then that she pulled away from him. Her warmth was gone in an instant before she turned back to him and said, “I wish you well, Brian.”
Five words had never hurt him so much. It was his fault, and he had no reservations about it. Perhaps it was meant to be. Because what was the alternative? Speak kind words to her, lead her on, and then get married? That was not an option. He could not break the vow that he had made to himself. Therefore, what had happened was for the best. He had only hurt her so much, whereas the other alternative would have possibly broken her heart.
What he had not expected was his pain. The jealousy had returned because right after she had broken off from his dance, Harper went right over to Michael. She had taken him by the arm. It also looked as though she asked him to meet her on the balcony, that was the direction they had gone in next.
Brian had thought the jealousy was bad before the dance, it was nothing to compared to the sensation that he got seeing her walk away with Michael. That pained him, like a knife to the stomach. It was a humbling experience, one in which he would never forget. He would let go after that. There was nothing left to do with Harper. He had made his bed and at least he could walk out of that ball an honest man. Someone who did not waiver in his own emotions.
Brian took a deep breath and surveyed the rest of the ballroom. It was time to get back to real life.
A few seconds later, another woman stepped in to dance with Brian. He quickly put on his biggest rakish smile and said, “Well, well. What do we have here? A dazzling young lady with hair like beautiful flames.”
The woman laughed and her face grew a shade of red that matched her curly locks. “You are forward,” she replied.
“What is a man if he cannot be forward, am I right? What is your name?”
“Barbara.”
“Barbara,” he repeated it with the same enthusiasm he would if he were speaking of delicious food. “That is a great name. I do not know any Barbaras.” He knew three.
“Really? I’ve always disliked it.”
“That is rather silly. You should embrace every little thing about yourself. Because I think you are flawless.” He tapped her nose playfully.
Barbara laughed again and they continued dancing. The woman did not smell as good as Harper. He did not find her as pretty, not in the slightest. And there was no challenge for him. There was nothing that made him happy about the woman. But she seemed happy. She seemed over the moon.
But then he thought of something. Even with Barbara, what would be the outcome? They would dance, maybe kiss somewhere and then he would cut it off to avoid hurting her in the long run. It stripped him of his excitement. It brought him back down to the level of emotion that he had been in when Harper had walked off before. That was his life. And that would always be his life.
He shook his head slightly to rid himself of the pity and then looked at Barbara. “So, what excites Barbara in her life?” he asked in an attempt to keep the conversation light.
“Well, I like gardening. And I like planning the future. I want a husband and a family and….”
Brian felt a sickness grow within him. But he let her speak, feigned a continuous positivity for her, and hoped that he would be kissing her by the end of the night. That would cleanse his pallet of Harper.
When he looked up from the still talking Barbara, he noticed a stone-faced Marianne looking at him from a distance. The sickness only grew further in him. He gave her a nod to be polite, but she shook her head.
“Who are you nodding at?” Barbara asked.
“No one.” He forced a laugh. “Do you mind if I go and get myself a glass of wine? I am rather parched.”
Barbara wore a sceptical look as if it had not been the first time a man broke off their dance for wine. “Sure. But meet me back here soon. I have a grand feeling that the musicians are going to play a song I like. It might be romantic.”
Brian forced a smile and another awkward laugh. “Splendid.” He made his way over to where the wine was and guzzled down two cups. Marianne had moved to join a few other ladies, no longer giving him her stony-eyed stare, but the message had been sent loud and clear. Brian knew he had messed up. He knew how everyone perceived him except a woman like Barbara. He was the villain, the misunderstood bad guy who didn’t need anyone to understand him anyway. How would he go forward? He wasn’t sure. He didn’t know how to coexist with people who were mad at him. There was one thing he did know; his future did not involve Harper.
