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When they came up for air, both of them were panting. Isabel was glad that Richard was holding onto her as she felt like she was about to collapse. She swallowed.
“I ... I don’t know if that gives me a clue as to what you’re talking about, Richard.”
“Oh, really?” Richard stroked her cheek. “I thought it would have made things clear.”
“You know I need words to tell me what’s really going on. Just tell me.”
“Fine, I will.” Richard took a deep breath. “I’m in love with you, Isabel. I have been for a long time. It’s only recently, when I saw you changing, that I realized that. And I wanted the old Isabel back, the one who didn’t care what anyone thought about her. I didn’t care for the person you were becoming. I was starting to see a stranger, and that hurt.”
He loved her? Isabel felt like she misheard him. How was it possible that he loved her? She licked her lips, which had Richard groaning.
“You really shouldn’t do that. Not when I’ve got you in my arms.”
“We’ve known each other for years, Richard. You and I grew up together. How can you love me after knowing me as a child?”
“It’s entirely possible, Isabel. A man can look at a woman one day as a friend and then the next day see them completely differently.” Richard kissed her forehead. “And that’s what happened with me regarding you. I fell in love with the woman in front of me. While I understood you needed to find a rich husband so you were safe and secure, it didn’t make me happy as I could never give you that. Then when I heard you were getting married to Galliston …”
“He gave me an offer I would be foolish to pass up.”
“He’s not right for you. And he’s very possessive about you.” Richard glanced away before easing back from her. “When I joined you in London as you were leaving, I was planning on telling you that I was going to cut ties with you because Galliston would have made my life hell.”
Isabel stared.
“What did you say?”
“He sent one of his servants after me as a way of threatening me. That man doesn’t want anyone who could threaten his position with you around. And as a benefactor to Professor Ainsley’s expedition, he could withdraw his funding and make things very difficult for us.” Richard swallowed and ran a hand through his hair, water droplets cascading everywhere. “I didn’t want to make things worse for you. I thought it was best that I cut ties and made you believe it was just down to you moving up in the world and I wouldn’t be able to come with you. Maybe .. .I thought if I did that, you would beg me to stay, but that was wishful thinking.”
“You would have walked away from our friendship?”
“Can you call what we have right now a friendship?” Richard grunted. “Because I don’t think I can right now. I certainly don’t consider you as a friend.”
Isabel’s legs were shaking. She reached for a stone seat and sat down. Richard loved her, and he would have walked away so she could keep the life that she needed for herself. She hadn’t felt so hollow in a long time at the thought.
“You would do that for me?”
“If you told me to leave you alone and never bother you again, I would respect that. It would be difficult to do, but I would respect it.”
And he would as well. Richard would have done whatever she said. Isabel had known him long enough to know that he would walk away if she told him. And she found that she didn’t want him to go.
“I could talk to Galliston. Make him see reason and that he doesn’t need to feel threatened …”
“He won’t see reason. He knows there’s something between us, even if you won’t admit to it.” Richard scowled. “He’ll see his position threatened no matter what you try. I can’t see our friendship continuing if he keeps getting in the way, and I don’t want you to have an unhappy marriage because you have someone who loves you hanging around.”
Isabel’s chest was beginning to hurt. She didn’t know whether to scream or cry. Richard loved her, and he was willing to give it all up for her.
But that was the practical way of thinking, wasn’t it? He shouldn’t desire something he couldn’t have; that just caused all end of trouble. Stepping back and allowing the right gentleman to have no obstacles was the correct thing to do.
Even if she hated the thought of it.
Richard turned away abruptly and looked out into the rain, peering up at the trees.
“From the look of it, this is going to be a brief storm. I can just about see blue sky. We can head back to the house once it passes.”
“Do you think it will be brief?”
“It will be. I’m sure of it.” Richard settled on the ground, stretching his legs out in front of him, looking anywhere but at Isabel. “Just a little longer, and I’ll get you home. Then you can focus on that tonic you’re desperate to make.”
“And what about you?”
A shadow passed across Richard’s face.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ve got that covered.”
Isabel didn’t believe that. And she didn’t know what to say to make things better. Nothing was going to change, no matter what she did.
She was in love with a man she couldn’t have, and he was in love with her when he knew it could never happen.
Why couldn’t things in life just be simple?
