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I waited in nervous anticipation. I had expected him to come out from the beginning and say I was too dangerous to be allowed to continue existing, at least within the walls of the Abbey, and I wasn't at all convinced him thanking me negated that.
"As the leader of the Church, and the guardian of those who live within the walls of the Abbey, I owe you a life debt,” Father Marius continued. “Several, as it were. And considering the fact that you directly saved Father de Leon’s younger sister from the hunters, he owes you a great personal debt as well."
Castor had said nothing the entire time the priest was speaking, and his expression betrayed just as little. I was never sure if that somber look on his face meant he was angry or upset, or if that was just his default state.
"You don't owe me anything," I said quickly. "That's not why I did it."
"Be that as it may, the debt exists all the same," said Father Marius. "It is the rule of the Church, as honor demands."
I wasn't surprised hunters had such strict moral standards, but I was surprised they applied even to monsters. Questioning it further didn't seem expedient, though.
"So," Father Marius continued, “with that in mind, you may make a request from each of us."
"But I really don’t want anything," I insisted.
"No?" Father Marius asked doubtfully. Father de Leon’s expression hadn't changed, but he was watching me with undeniable interest. "Not even your freedom?"
I hesitated. "I didn’t think that would be an option," I admitted. "And if it is, I'm not sure I would want to take you up on the offer."
"Oh?" The red-eyed priest’s white brows lifted. "And why might that be?"
I shrugged. "I don't know why I feel more in control now, but if I go back out there on my own, I know there's a good chance I'm going to go back to the way I was before. To being a beast instead of a man. At least in here, I can't hurt anyone else."
"I see," Father Marius said thoughtfully. "And you would be willing to sacrifice your freedom indefinitely in order to prevent such an outcome?"
I paused for a moment to consider it before I said, "I guess so. If that’s the only alternative."
"Well," he said, stretching his hands out in front of him. "You're correct that your freedom is a point to which my offer cannot extend, for the reasons you so aptly laid out yourself. The fact remains, you're still a dangerous creature, even for an alpha, and my duty to protect the city and its inhabitants supersedes my personal debt to you. However, I'm certain there must besomethingI could offer you."
It was becoming clear to me that the matter of this “debt,” as he saw it, wasn't just a matter of tradition or morality. It seemed to distress him personally that it existed at all.
I could probably ask for more comfortable accommodations, but the truth was, I didn't deserve them. Living the way I was now was hardly sufficient atonement for everything I had done, but it was better than nothing.
I was about to explain as much when another thought occurred to me. It was one that would probably be deemed far more absurd by the men before me than if I had asked for my freedom outright, but once the idea had possessed me, it took hold like a vice and couldn’t be shaken.
"There is something," I said, feeling my throat tighten at the prospect of asking. But the only other alternative was to continue with the way things were, rotting away in the dungeon and never having the chance to put things right. Not that anything would bring my family back, or all the people I had killed without even knowing their names.
Hell, even the names of my family members felt far off at times. Almost inaccessible.
"Speak freely, then," Father Marius said, sounding almost relieved.
I swallowed hard. “I’ve been here long enough to have an idea of why you do what you do," I began, knowing I had to choose my words carefully. "Killing monsters, I mean."
"Yes," Father Marius said, his lips quirking slightly as if he found my bumbling amusing. "That is the lot of a hunter."
I gave a nervous laugh. "Well, I guess I was just wondering, since I can't go free, and I'm here anyway… maybe I could be useful for more than just blood?"
He cocked his head slightly. "I'm not sure I understand.”
I swallowed the knot in my throat and continued, "I'd like to become a hunter, Your Excellency."
For a few moments, he and Castor both stared at me, dead silent and unblinking.
Yeah, that had definitely been the wrong thing to say, but there was no going back now. And now that I had actually voiced the words, the strange idea had taken root and grown exponentially.
Becoming a hunter. Yes, as far-fetched as it seemed to these people—and it undoubtedly was—it was also my only chance at restoring some sense of meaning to my life. The only chance I would ever have to even begin to put things right.
"You wish to become a hunter," Father Marius finally echoed, as if he wasn't sure he had heard me, and if he had, he wasn't sure he had understood.
