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He just scoffed, and I followed him out onto the balcony and down the steps leading away from it. There was a crescent moon in the sky, which was always a relief since I had come to develop something of a phobia of the full ones.
I followed Castor down into the garden, the scent of roses in full bloom filling my nostrils. It wasn't anything compared to his scent, though—just an annoying smell getting in the way of it. Just about every scent and sound that wasn't his had become grating and annoying to me.
We kept walking past the garden and didn't stop until we were ensconced in the woods. I grew apprehensive, and apparently, I still wasn't quite over the incident in the woods. Hell, I wasn't even sure what had happened. If I thought about it too much, I felt ill, so that was usually enough to deter me.
When Castor finally stopped in the middle of the moonlight clearing, turning to face me, I was no closer to understanding.
"Why are we out here?" I asked, looking around.
"Because if I take your collar off in front of a room full of hunters, the evening's festivities are going to take a nosedive," he answered.
My hand flew to my collar instinctively. “Take it off?" I echoed. "Why?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be excited?"
I hesitated. He was right. I should have been. And there was a part of me that was eager to have it off, if only because it would be easier to keep him safe. I at least wouldn’t be a liability anymore, and after the last time, it was pretty fucking clear to me that was exactly what I was. Pathetic.
When I still didn't have an answer a minute later, Castor’s gaze softened and he closed the distance between us. I was surprised when he rested his hands on my shoulders, his touch much gentler than usual. "I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think you were ready."
"But what if I hurt you?" I asked, my voice strained.
"You're not going to hurt me," he said, sounding equal parts annoyed and amused by the question. "Certainly not with wolf blood in my system."
"I'm sorry," I murmured.
He gave me a quizzical look, but walked around to my back. I froze in confusion as he touched the high collar of the robe behind my neck and began unzipping it. Even though I knew he had another purpose in mind, it didn't take much for my brain to go there. "Father…"
My heart was pounding traitorously as he peeled the robe off my shoulders and the cool night air hit my bare skin. The fabric pooled at my feet a moment later, and I was left standing naked in the clearing, clothed only in moonlight. Castor’s fingertips slipped through my hair and across the back of my neck, tickling my nape. My breath was locked up in my throat, but at least the anxiety about what he was doing meant there was less room to panic about the prospect of shifting.
As I felt the collar click open, another surge of doubt overwhelmed me. I turned around to face him and stepped back, feeling exposed in front of him for a variety of reasons.
"Go on," he said, his gaze lingering slightly on me, though I didn't dare to let myself think it was because the sight of my naked body had remotely the same effect on him as his did on me. "Give it a try."
"But I've never shifted on purpose," I protested. "I don't know how."
"You're a wolf," he said dryly. "It should come naturally enough."
My face grew warm as I nodded. "I'll try."
I knelt down in the grass since that felt like the best position to be in, making as much contact with the earth as possible. Castor gave me a strange look, which made me feel even more awkward, but he didn't say anything.
I pressed my hands against the earth and took a few deep breaths, trying to access the very thing I had tried for so long to keep at bay. I wasn't sure if it could sense my disdain and that was what was keeping it away, or if I was just bad at it. Part of me hoped I wouldn't be able to shift at all. Just when I was starting to think that might be a possibility, I felt a sickeningly familiar ache deep in my bones.
I grimaced as the pain went from unpleasant to unbearable, and I couldn't swallow the cry of pain surging in my throat. My vision blurred and grew red as I panicked and fought against the transformation that was already well underway. It did nothing except accelerate the process.
My bones cracked and my flesh tore itself to shreds, giving way to the beast within. Another scream tore from my throat, becoming a low growl as I lost the last of my humanity.
Castor stood by, watching calmly, seeming almost curious as he observed. Before I knew it, my body was a mess of long, clumsy limbs and fur. I felt a surge of the predatory instincts that had taken over me so easily before, but this time, I somehow managed to keep a hold on them even though just coping with the pain of the recent shift was torturous enough.
My entire body was trembling violently as I got to my feet. I gave a whimper that was more pathetic than vicious, but I would take the one over the other, at least when Castor was present.
He tilted his head, watching me. "Well," he finally said with a sigh. "I guess that answers that question."
I made a confused sound, struggling to remain on my feet since my legs were wobbling like a newborn foal’s.
"You're still not out of control," he answered, walking over to me. I backed up, because while he seemed confident enough that I wasn't going to attack him, I wasn't. He stood in front of me and reached out, putting his hand on top of my head. Rather than the aggression I had feared would take over, a warm, blissful feeling spread through my veins, making me shiver again in response to his touch.
He gave a husky laugh. "You're pathetic, you know that?"
