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I came to the realization only in that moment, but it seemed as if it had been a lifetime in the making. As if it had all been leading up to this. I didn't have a name for it, but it was everything all the same. He was everything. When I was with him, inside him, I felt more like myself than I ever had. A better version, perhaps, but myself all the same.
Hell, I wanted to be better when I was with him. I wanted to be better for him, to be worthy of him, and the way he looked at me made it so easy to believe the delusion that I actually could.
"Castor," he cried, my name a beautiful song on his lips. One I would do anything to hear him sing again and again, as many times as it took to believe this was real. That I wasn't going to wake up and find it had at all been a strange dream. The only consolation was knowing that my imagination wasn't that sweet. Even the universe couldn't be that cruel.
His delicious hot blood rushed into my mouth. It was the nectar of life, the panacea, and my personal drug all rolled up in one. When I finally withdrew my fangs, my knot still sealing our bodies together, the look of ecstasy on his face was enough to send me into another state of consciousness.
"Wow," he said in a daze. "That was…"
"Yeah," I agreed, still struggling to catch my breath as well. "My thoughts exactly."
Eddie looked up at me with the first trace of hesitation I had seen that night in his gaze. "Castor, there's something I need to tell you."
I had a feeling I knew what it was, and to my amazement, I actually found it easy to say the words that had eluded me for so long, if only because I wanted to be the one who said them first.
"I love you," I said, earning a look of dismay from him.
"You what?" he asked, his voice a strangled croak.
"I love you," I repeated, finding it even easier the second time around. The words were as right on my tongue as the taste of his sweet blood.
He opened his mouth as if to speak, but nothing came out.
"What were you going to say?" I asked.
He blinked a few times as if to clear his head. "Oh. I… That, actually." He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Were you just trying to beat me to it?"
"Maybe," I conceded. "But I meant it all the same."
His gaze softened as he reached out, stroking my face. He stared up at me, like he was trying to imprint something to his memory.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
Something about the way he smiled at me stirred the strangest sense of fear within me. It wasn't an emotion I was well acquainted with, and lately, every time I felt it, it had been in relation to him.
"Nothing," he said quietly. "Just wishing this could last forever."
"Let’s see if you still feel like that an hour from now when we're still locked together."
He laughed a little, but part of me was afraid that wasn't what he meant. I thought of pressing, but decided against it. Moments of quiet perfection were rare enough in our world without wasting them.
ChapterThirty-Three
EDDIE
Castor saying he loved me should have made it harder to do what I knew I had to do, and it did in a way. In another, it just confirmed that I had made the right decision. I wasn't in heat anymore, and since I had actually resolved it the old-fashioned way, I had reason to hope I wouldn't be for a while yet. That gave me time to plan.
Time to procrastinate was probably closer to the truth, but I found myself wanting to enjoy every minute I could spend with him, and in the place that had become my home. My family.
The only thing that was even worse than the idea of leaving them, though, was the idea of losing them. It was that thought that kept me from changing my mind, although I still hadn't actually gone through with it yet. I knew there was a very good chance Castor might figure out what I was planning, and if not him, Father Marius. The one had intimate access to my heart, and the other, my mind.
In the meantime, I had to keep putting up enough of a fight about not being permitted to go out on the hunt that Castor wouldn't suspect anything. Hell, I was legitimately pissed about it, so it didn’t require much effort.
As a compromise, he had at least agreed that he wasn't going to go out on his own for the time being, and I admittedly had more trust in Arrow than I had before. He was a better hunting partner than I was, as loathe as I was to admit it.
At least I was permitted to run in the woods surrounding the Abbey. Guess I should have been grateful they were that permissive. I felt slightly guilty that I was going to give them cause to regret it, but I reminded myself that leaving wasn't for my benefit, but theirs. Even if they didn't see it that way at first.
There was still plenty that needed to be done before I was ready, though. For one thing, I had to make sure the clinic was stocked with enough wolf blood that they could manage until they found another. Hell, if omegas were as valuable to a wolf pack as everyone claimed, maybe I would even have the leverage to arrange a trade. Packs had enemies within their own kind, so it was feasible they might have some prisoners of their own they would be willing to give to the Abbey in exchange for me.
