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Renee nods encouragingly.
“Well, that sounds positive. But would he be a good dad?”
I take a deep breath and nod as well.
“Yes, I think so. I’m obviously biased, but I definitely think he’d be an amazing dad. It’s just that, well, Stone’s in his forties, so I don’t even know if he wants kids. He’s probably had a billion chances to have a child by now, but it’s never happened. So maybe he wants to stay a bachelor forever.”
I pause, turning to look at Renee, who’s pondering my situation thoughtfully.
“I’m sorry, I’m going on and on like an idiot,” is my apology. “We haven’t even talked about you.”
My friend pats my arm comfortingly.
“No, it’s totally fine because you’re at a crossroads with some important choices in front of you, Tans. But I actually think you’re in a good position. I mean, you’re in love! That’s a wonderful thing right? And with a man who treats you well and could be a wonderful babydaddy.”
I nod slowly.
“Yeah, I guess I’m just scared. I mean, I have no idea how Stone will react when he finds out about the pregnancy. I’m terrified, Renee.”
She rubs my shoulder soothingly.
“Well, I think you know what I’m going to say next, which is that you should pray on it, sweetie. God has a plan for us all, and although always we don’t know what it is, spending time in silent conversation with the Lord can help.”
I nod slowly, trying to let her words calm me.
“I think I will,” I say in a low tone. “Thanks Renee. I’m going to take your advice, and pray a bit as soon as I get a chance.”
She rubs my arm in support.
“Put your life into the hands of Jesus, sweetie, and trust that he will lead you to a better place,” she says softly. “You will be delivered if you follow his word.”
I nod, grateful for my friend’s advice because I think she’s right. I’m at a major turning point in my life, and I don’t know what to do. But with God’s guidance, blessing, and grace, I believe I can come out of this a stronger and more resilient woman on the other side.
10
TANYA
A week later.
I kneel in the pew at my church. Sanctuary rents a small meeting room on the outskirts of Vegas, and our congregation is probably only fifty people or so. But we’re a close knit group, and I like the folks who attend. There’s Renee as well as a few other women my age, and we’ve become friendly in the past year or so.
But I haven’t come to church in a while, and guilt curdles my soul as I bend my head, my hands clasped on the bench before me. This must be God’s way of challenging me, and I only hope that I can rise to the occasion. But God always forgives, and I close my eyes and begin to let my mind float free. The Lord shall speak, but first, I need to be silent in order to hear his voice.
But then, there’s a shuffling sound in the aisle. I ignore it at first, but then someone coughs discreetly. Damn. There’s someone else here, and reluctantly, I open my eyes to see who it is.
My heart sinks because it’s Elder Mike Stott. I suppose he’s okay. He’s not our pastor, but he’s a revered member of the congregation, kind of like a Deacon of sorts. But what does he want with me?
“Hi Elder Stott,” I greet in a low voice. “What can I do for you?”
He leans against the pew casually, his thin frame dressed in an ill-fitting blue button down and loose khakis. Honestly, this guy looks like Warren Jeffs, the convicted FLDS leader. He’s got the same thinning brown hair, oddly pale skin, and cold blue eyes. Not to mention the crooked yellow teeth and perpetually chapped lips, currently pulled up in a sneer.
“Hi Tanya,” he greets. “We haven’t seen you much around Sanctuary lately.”
I nod. I’ve never liked Elder Stott much because he’s always seemed too interested in the young women of our congregation. But I have to be polite.
“Yes, I’m just been busy with my job lately. But I want to come more, and am making it a priority.”
Those cold blue eyes narrow a bit.
