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Truly, I hardly recognize myself.
Hello, Ash Rene Morgan…hello, new me.
I now have shoulder-length dark-brown hair that’s straightened to within an inch of its life, though it won’t be long before my natural waves will make a reappearance.
I’m wearing contact lenses that make my eyes look brown instead of blue, and the makeup I painstakingly learned to apply makes my face appear longer and slimmer, and my eyes a different shape altogether.
The girls taught me exactly what to do, and I had to reproduce my new face twice on my own before they were satisfied.
I hate the idea of having to go through this procedure every day, at least until I get to Atlanta. I normally don’t wear makeup. It’s such a waste of time. Given you only take it off at the end of the day, why bother? But I guess if it keeps me out of trouble, it’s a price I’ll have to pay.
The goal, as Trina keeps hammering into me, is to fool facial recognition software. I went through an hour of training with her to walk slightly differently, wearing insoles in my shoes to make me a little taller and change the angle of my body, hence affecting the way I move. I’m instructed to put on sunglasses at all times when I’m outside and ideally wear large hats whenever possible, as well as flowy dresses that hide my shape. Though that won’t work when I’m working in the kitchen on the cruise ship.
Miranda has done a fine job putting together a new wardrobe for me that still allows me to travel light. She’s truly a little firecracker with tons of energy. And what she’s missing in height, she makes up with in personality. I can see us becoming good friends when I get to Atlanta. The fact she’s reminding me of Rhia is helping as well.
I wash my hands and run my hand through my hair. It feels strange not having enough hair to bundle up into a ponytail. It’s such a habit to finger comb it… a habit I have to break.
I’m told I have to be mindful of my habits. No more doing things that could easily identify me. Goodbye parsnip omelets and licorice tea. I groan just thinking about it.
Apparently, I also have to abandon any routines, keeping things fresh and unpredictable. Not sure how I’m going to do that. I love my routines.
Dog tired but too wired to sleep, I go out onto the balcony of my room. It faces the mountains, away from the street, which makes it darker.
The mountains are calling me, and I wish I could go hiking for a day and soak up their strength. But that’s not going to happen.
Looking at them longingly, I let out a long breath. About to sit down on a little bench, I notice a lizard scurrying away before I can lower myself.
Oh my God!
I cannot believe I didn’t sit on that lizard.
What is happening?!
I’m clearly not myself anymore. Have my energies completely shifted with my makeover?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I didn’t squash this innocent creature. I’m just not sure what to make of it.
I sigh as I stare at the stars. So many things are uncertain. But there is a plan and I’m not alone.
I am guided every step of the way. My parents are watching over me, and once again I feel their presence here with me. Of course, it’s possible that it’s purely my imagination. But it’s comforting, so I’ll take it.
The Milky Way is clearly visible tonight. The starry sky reminds me of that night Tiero and I slept on the beach on his island. That was only a month ago but seems like forever ago. So much has happened…
For the first time today, I allow myself to think of him.
Immediately, my heart hurts.
The anger I’ve carried with me since I ran away is nowhere to be found. Instead, his frantic face is all I see in my mind’s eye, and it breaks me.
I’m so sorry, my love. I’m so sorry to put you through this. Please forgive me. Please move on.
Though the thought of Tiero moving on with another girl is like a stab through the heart. And in my soul, I know he won’t. He believes he can only truly love once and I am it.
Never before have I felt this guilty. Have I really done the right thing?
But I can’t live in his world. It would kill me.
As I stare up at the sky, I wonder where he is and what he is doing.
