Page 159 of Nights At Sea


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The next few days fly by. I can’t say I’m having fun. Kitchen work sucks, and I swear after this trip I refuse to dice, slice, or grate another vegetable in my life. How am I going to survive ten more days of this?

My only consolation is that it’s the last place Tiero would expect to find me, if he worked out I’m on this ship.

I’m friendly and chatty with everyone I work with, but after hours in a cramped kitchen I stay away from people… and my shoebox. I need vastness around me to make me feel less caged in… literally and figuratively.

Despite not being allowed on the upper decks with the paying customers, I sneak to the top level every night, laying on a sun lounger at the bow of the boat where hardly anyone goes to and stare at the stars.

My racing mind slows then, bringing me a level of peace. It’s dark and quiet, just what my soul needs.

I’ve only seen Claudette from afar, and that’s close enough.

I’m still rattled by her and have yet to give her back the heart I broke. Super glue was hard to find, but I charmed one of the maintenance guys to get me a tube, and now it is as good as new. You can’t tell it was ever broken.

To my surprise, it had the Celtic trinity symbol painted on the bottom, and when it fell to the ground, the trinity also broke into three pieces.

I can see why Claudette wanted to read something more into this… it does seem to be a perfect coincidence.

My curiosity is raised, her words playing on my mind.

What did she mean when she said“You’ve waited for this”?

What isthis?

I’m contemplating this as, like every night, I’m sitting under the stars all alone. Faint music drifts up from the bar below. I imagine people laughing, dancing, and having fun.

Will I ever be carefree again? Or will I spend the rest of my life hiding away?

Right now I feel safe, hidden away in the darkness and quiet of the night. Someone else might argue that I would be safer in a crowd.

If Gualtiero or Molinaro had their men on board, it would be so easy to snatch me from here or throw me overboard, and nobody would ever know. The thought makes me shudder. I look over my shoulder and scan the area thoroughly for my peace of mind, reminding myself for the hundredth time that I did really get away and nobody other than Freemont’s staff knows where I am.

Looking over my shoulder has become second nature in no time. Will I ever be Ella enough again to just be in the moment, enjoy it without fear?

For now, it seems unlikely.

But then, things can change in the blink of an eye… they have already so many times.

In my twenty-six years on this earth, my life’s path changed course in a big way more often than I liked.

Three events jump to mind.

Meeting Rhia when I was eight was by far the best one. Jeez, what would I have done without her in my life? I hated the idea of moving from Austria to Ireland and threw plenty of tantrums but how awesome did it turn out!

Then there was the saddest moment in my life. My parents’ death left me in a pit of despair for a long time.

As for the third life-changing moment… it’s the reason I’m here tonight. Saving Gualtiero’s life lead me down a path I never could have anticipated. The next few steps on that path are lit, but mostly I’m in the dark.

Taking a deep breath, I remind myself that in a year or two, I will look back at this time and marvel at how far I have come. All this turmoil will be a distant memory, and hopefully I will have found some happiness.

But now, Gualtiero is back in the forefront of my mind. I try to stop thinking about him, but it is useless. I miss him so so much.

Memories of our last night together fill my mind. His perfect physique, his warm skin under my fingers, the weight of his body pressing into me, the way only he fills and stretches me so perfectly.

Argh. Stop it—seriously, Ella… Ash, whatever your name is.

Still, the yearning for him doesn’t go away.

It’s the middle of the night but I know with certainty, Tiero is awake too, possibly looking at the stars like me. I sense his restlessness in my soul. We’re still so strongly connected. Will that ever change?

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