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I fall back onto the bed, clutching my chest desperately. Tears stream down my face. Even laying down, I’m disoriented.
Is this a reaction to the drugs they gave me?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
I don’t want to die yet.
Somewhere from the recesses of my mind, I hear a faint, familiar voice.“This is a panic attack,a stoirín. It will pass. Slow down your breathing.”
The voice is soothing. A stoirín?
Ma? Da?
God, I’m hallucinating. I’m really losing it.
Could it really be a panic attack? I’ve never had one.
If this was true… at worst, I’d pass out and then start breathing normally again, right?
Still hyperventilating and trembling, I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed.
Whoa, my head hurts!
Leaning forward, I put my head between my legs. Not sure if this will work, but I’ve read it in a book somewhere. Actually, no, it was on a safety card on an airplane. Shit, I don’t know.
I stay like this for some time and, ever so slowly, my heart rate decelerates, and my breathing calms.
Still dazed, I sit up again and grab a bottle of water, gulping it down. My body is covered in perspiration. I’m literally a hot mess.
Drained of all energy, I’m exhausted beyond measure. I can hardly keep my eyes open, yet I’m too wired to close them.
Leaning against the headboard, I beg my eyes to fall shut, consciously breathing evenly in and out. Gradually, my capacity to think rationally returns.
Once the worst of the panic attack is over, the headache I woke up with reminds me this whole nightmare is real.
I stare at the packet of tablets… ibuprofen.
Do I trust that’s what’s in the packet?
No, I won’t risk it. I’ve had enough drugs for one day.
I take the second bottle of water and guzzle it down with trembling hands.
Who the hell drugged me? Where the heck am I?
I look down my body with trepidation. My shoes are gone, but to my relief I’m still wearing the clothes I put on to go to the airport.
Thank God, no one violated me… well, other than knocking me out and drugging me.
Shit, what time is it? How long was I out for?
Rhia was supposed to pick me up. She’ll be so worried. Would she have raised the alarm yet? Are people already looking for me? God, I hope so!
Taking a few deep breaths to calm my nerves and my heart, I chant to myself.
Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm.
I study my surroundings for the first time. I’m in some sort of suite. It’s huge, nearly the size of my entire apartment in Dublin. At the other end, there’s another lamp illuminating a sitting area, giving that corner a welcoming glow.
