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“I don’t want to live like that.” Ella searches my eyes for a sign I understand. A sign I will relent. “All the security in the world can’t protect you and your loved ones if someone really wants to get to you or them. It might work for a while, but there will always be opportunities.”
“You’re right. There will always be someone willing to exploit the smallest opening.” Memories of a time long, long ago bombard my mind, and a shiver runs through my body. Ella notices and lifts an eyebrow.
“As children, we were heavily guarded. Leading a normal life was out of the question. We didn’t go to the park to play or go to public soccer matches or play any sport for that matter. Maybe that’s why Enzo and I were so rebellious when we hit our teenage years.”
Telling her this seems like a terrible idea. It won’t make her more amenable to move forward with me. But I’m compelled to tell her. Why, I have no idea.
“When I was sixteen, I was kidnapped, used as a pawn against my father. They beat me and locked me up. I lay bleeding in a pitch-black basement for days until Papà rescued me. We killed everyone involved.
“The guys who tortured me, I put so many bullets into them, they looked like swiss cheese. After everything they did to me, it was so damn satisfying watching them die.”
The corners of my lips pull up into a sad smile. “The satisfaction was short-lived. Once the adrenaline wore off, I did not feel any better. But at least I was with my family again and the bad guys were dead.”
I stare at the ceiling. Despite the sixteen years that have passed, the memories are still fresh. They’re part of the darkness that envelops me every day.
“I’m so sorry this happened to you,” Ella whispers, clearly shocked by what I told her. “I guess in your circle you don’t see a psychologist to help you deal with things.”
The idea of laying on a couch divulging what’s troubling me makes me laugh—it’s freeing and much needed. Ella joins in, and for the first time since her abduction, I feel something other than rage.
“There’s no talking about our feelings. We just harden into cold monsters. How else could we keep going with what we do?”
Ella doesn’t say anything. I look at her, and she’s clearly lost for words. It’s obvious her mind is a clusterfuck of emotions.
“Why do you keep doing it, then?” she whispers.
Yes, why do I? I never questioned my life or what it involves.
“This is all I know,” I admit. “My family has built this business over generations. I can’t be the one letting down my ancestors. And yes, while there is violence, we’ve also built a community. People depend on me and my family… to keep a certain order. Everybody knows what’s expected. It gives people a framework for their life, a stability. If I was to step away from it, all hell would break loose. There would be wars over our territory and many lives would be lost. I can’t let that happen.”
Ella’s eyes go wide. She didn’t expect that answer and looks more than skeptical.
“I’m sorry you went through something so awful,” she eventually says, reaching for my hand, wanting to comfort me.
“I’m doubly glad now that you rescued me before they took me to a second location. God knows what they would have done to me.”
A shiver runs through her body, and I pull her against me. Reassuring myself, she’s really unharmed… physically, at least.
“Angel, I will do anything in my power to keep you safe. No one shall ever lay a hand on you again.”
I feel her stiffening in my arms, and I know she wants to tell me that she wouldn’t be in danger if it wasn’t for me.
But she knows it’s a moot point and says nothing.
We lay there curled together for some time, and I enjoy just holding her, feeling her warmth.
As much as the events of the past day are haunting me, it has brought us closer together again. And for that, I’m grateful.
Her resistance is melting, and I will continue to chip away at it. My surprise for her should help too.
It won’t be long now before I’ll make her all mine again… and this time it’s going to be for good.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ella
Myeyesslowlyopen,and I stretch out my body. It’s Wednesday morning and our last day in Rome. I can’t wait to leave. This city is forever spoiled for me. I have no wish to ever return.
Everything that happened here is weighing heavily on my soul. So many lives lost because of me. How can I ever reconcile that?
