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“I’m sorry for the burden I’m placing on your shoulders, but I need to save her. Teo, the day I met Ella was the day I was actually born. Looking back at my life before her… I merely existed.
“I would have loved nothing more than to make a life with her, have a dozen babies and…” I pause as the images of a life I can never have play out in my mind. “… just be happy.”
I swallow hard, trying to suppress the tears, mourning for a life I’m not granted.
“The day I realized I can’t have that was the day I died. Without her, life means nothing to me. And even if we find new lungs for me, that’s what I would face.”
Mateo just stares at me. As hard as it is to speak the words, it’s also liberating, and I never felt freer.
“But God, the universe, or whoever is in charge, has been merciful. I’ve been given this unique chance to live on in her, be part of her until her last breath and we meet again. I cannot imagine a better way to go.”
My brother’s lips are pressed together in a tight line, his eyes closing, his face scrunched up in pain. He’s unable to speak, struggling for composure; not to hide his feelings from me—with anybody else we do, but we’ve always let the other see what’s really going on behind the facade. He’s struggling for composure to make this easier on me.
“When?” he pushes out, that one single word strangled.
“The day after tomorrow.”
He covers his eyes with his hand, his fingers squeezing his temples.
“Fuck!” he whispers. “How do you expect me to go on without you? We’ve always done this together. I’ve never wanted to be the Don.”
“Then don’t be. I’ve learned something from the past few months. Teo, you need to do the things that make your heart sing. This family business we inherited and uphold is not amongst them.”
Mateo laughs humorlessly, and I know what he’s thinking. Not a second later, he repeats what we both heard over and over when growing up. “You’re born into la familia, you’ll die in la familia.”
“There is a way,” I tell him. “It’s not going to be easy, but there is a way. I began researching it after Ella ran. But it’s too late for me now. I’m going to die in la familia, but you won’t have to. What you need to get started is on an encrypted thumb drive, hidden in the wall behind the bathroom vanity in Ella’s room. To open it, you need the two lock combinations we made up for the tree house.”
Recognition dawns on his face, and he nods. We might have only been kids, but to this day, those number combinations are burned into my memory, and I know it’s the same for Mateo.
I’m not sure why, but a few weeks before I met Ella, I had her room remodeled. Did my subconscious sense she was on her way to me? Is all of this as predestined as it seems?
When I had the first inklings there was a mole in my ranks, I needed to store sensitive information where no one could find it. Plenty of people are aware of the two safes in my house and, if persistent enough, I’m sure they could be opened. So, one night, I moved the vanity unit out from the wall and as neatly as possible carved out a hole for a miniature safe, just large enough to hold folded papers and small items, then I covered up the hole and put everything back. Currently, that hidden safe holds the thumb drive and fake passports for Ella, Mateo, and me that cannot be traced.
“It’s not going to be an overnight disappearance. This will have to be carefully planned and nobody, and I mean nobody, can know about it.”
He nods his understanding and then silence descends on the room.
“What will happen to our businesses, our family legacy, if I leave?” he asks after a while.
The weight of our upbringing suddenly comes crashing down upon us. We’ve been raised to respect our elders’ efforts to progress our family and trained to do the same. On some level, leaving is treacherous, and I can only imagine the guilt my brother would feel.
“They’d fall to the wolves.” It’s the truth; there are plenty of families willing to step up into our territories. I might have taken most of our enemies out, but there are always more waiting to strike. “With me gone, you’ll have to establish yourself firmly at the helm, no leniencies, no mercies. You can’t afford even the smallest sign of weakness or it will be exploited.”
I’m well aware Mateo is already eagerly watched in our world of darkness, as he’s taken the reins while I’m in hospital. He’s more than capable of leading, of being the Don, but he never wanted that role.
Of the two of us, he’s always been the more jovial one, and while he’s carried out my orders as second in command, he never neglected enjoying life. He’s not power hungry like Antonio.
Growing up, being the second born, he always got away with far more than I did, the weight of expectation always laying on my shoulders, my training stricter, more forceful.
“I want you to be happy,” I tell him. “You deserve to be happy.” His eyes meet mine and there’s a pained expression. “But only you can resolve all your conflicting emotions about what you want and what we were brought up to believe.”
Mateo lets out a frustrated sigh, rubbing his chin vigorously.
“How serious are things with your girl?” I ask, and his surprised eyes shoot to mine.
It makes me chuckle, and I’m happy to endure the pain in my body the rippling effects cause. “I know you, remember? You might not have admitted your feelings to yourself, but they’re obvious to me.”
“She’s amazing, but I worry about corrupting her innocence… and what being with me would do to her.”
