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“Stay away from me,” she answered softly. Her heart ached at the loss of connection as she felt him release her arm. She knew she should be appalled by his very existence now that she knew the truth, but her feelings remained unchanged.
"It is impossible for me to even consider staying away from you, Edna; I have never felt for anyone else the way I feel for you. I knew I wanted to see you more and get to know you better when I saw you last night. And, rather than pushing me away, Lachlan's revelation of your identity only made me feel a sense of responsibility for you. My family has caused you great sorrow, and I want to do everything I can to make amends," he replied, and Edna smiled. "How come you didn't stay away? Bryce must have mentioned that I was related to the laird's family."
“Bryce knew who Lachlan was but he had never seen ye before. Of course, he was still certain that ye belonged to the same family. I wanted to ask ye last night when we were together but I was too scared. Hearing that guard address ye as the laird… I had no choice but to ask.”
"Edna, I need you to understand that the past is past to meand I only hope that you can feel the same.What happened between our families all those years ago does not define who we are as people and should not determine the feelings we have for one another in any way," he said, and Edna nodded, knowing he was partly correct. But her father had been murdered, and she would never forget it.
“Ronin, even though ye are right, it is not so simple. I cannae just forget everything that happened ten years ago. I cannae forget that yer father murdered me father. I cannae let go of our past and history just like that. Ronin, I think it is best if we stay away from one another. I don’t think we are meant to be together.”
“But perhaps we are meant to be together. Who can understand your grief and share it better than I?” Ronin asked.
“What dae ye mean?”
Edna, you were not the only one who lost your father that day. I lost mineas well," Ronin admitted, feeling a wave of sadness wash over him as he spoke of his own loss.
“But yer father killed himself. It is not the same. I had to watch mine get brutally stabbed.”
"That is true. The circumstances are different. I cannot know what prompted my father's actions. Something terrible happened to him. Something inside him broke. He was no longer the man he once was. That same day, I lost my father too. Only it didn't happen all at once, but rather gradually over time. It was heartbreaking to see himdisintegrate and devolve into a shell of the man he once was. I lost him piece by piece, and every single day it shatteredmy heart," he admitted, feeling as if he had finally opened his heart to someone.
As he spoke those words, Edna felt a sharp pain deep within her heart. She moved away from him, needing time to process all of this. She hadn't considered the achehe'd experienced as a result of his father's actions.
“Ye are right, Ronin. At least I remember my father as the man he was before he was so cruelly taken from me. Ye don’t even have that luxury. I am so sorry for yer loss.”
"All I amsaying, Edna, is that I feel your pain and understand what it's like to lose a father.Do you know how guilty I feel when I think about what my father did?My family is the reason your family was ruined, and I could spend a lifetime making it right," Ronin explained.
"Oh, Ronin," Edna's heart was about to burst.
"I understand that you are confused right now, and it would be unfair of me to ask you to let go of the past when you have suffered so deeply. But I just want you to know, Edna, that I am not the man my father was. I am a different person, a man who cares about you. I would never wish to be the source of your pain and suffering. If you truly want me to stay away from you, I will respect your decision, but please do not ask me to do so," Ronin said, his voice painfully soft. Edna finally turned around to face him again, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Ronin, I— I dinnae ken what tae dae. I cannae tell ye anything right now. I— I need time tae think,” she stuttered.
He approached her and took both of her hands in his. She felt the small tremors she had felt from his touch earlier, and she knew she could never betray her true feelings for him. Even though she asked him to leave, she knew it was impossible.
"Take your time, Edna. I am not in a hurry. I just want you to know and understand that I am not here to cause you harm. In fact, I want to do everything I can to better your life. I have strong feelings for you and wish to spend as much time as possible getting to know you better. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I'll meet you near your house on the road that leads to the river. I'll be there this evening, and if you don't come, I willwait for you every day at the same time. I will wait until you arrive, Edna."
She did not know what to say. His confession and truthfulness had stunned her into speechlessness. She simply nodded and turned around to leave. She needed to be alone right now to consider what direction her heart wanted her to take.
* * *
She returned home, her feelings raging. She was at a loss for words and emotions, and everything that had happened since yesterday was weighing heavily on her. She could never have imagined that in less than twenty-four hours, she would meet someone and develop strong feelings for him, learn that her father had been unfaithful to her mother, learn that there had been a violent murder in the clan, discover that the man she had met was the son of her father's murderer, and then be forced to make a decision about her future.
He was the clan's future laird, and he had feelings for her. Ronin was a man of his word, and Edna knew he would wait for her at the location he had specified. She wasn't sure if she was going to meet him or not. If she went to meet him, he would interpret it as her willingness to be with him as well. As much as she wanted to be with him, it felt like she was betraying her father's memory. She knocked on the door of her cottage and waited for her mother to open it.
“Edna, yer back,” her mother smiled at her as she opened the door. She nodded without replying. “Is everything alright? Why do ye look so troubled?”
“I am not troubled. Don’t worry, mother,” she replied quickly; not wanting for her to reach any conclusions. She knew she couldn't share anythingor confide in her about what was really going on in her head. She had to keep this information to herself until she settled onher actions.
“Are ye sure?”
“Absolutely. I am just tired. I am going tae sleep for a while,” Edna said moving forward to place a soft kiss on her mother’s cheek. With that she turned around and marched upstairs; her mind still on Ronin and what had transpired between them.
As she sat down to weigh the facts, she realized there was no denying she needed Ronin by her side. She wanted nothing more than to meet him tonight. She knewher feelings for him were genuine, and she had no desire to hide them.
But as soon as she made the decision to meet him, her thoughts would be drawn back to her father. What would he say about her? He would never want her to get involved withthe son of the man who had murdered him.
“Oh Ronin, what should I do,” she whispered into the empty room as she finally stopped pacing and sat on her bed.
She closed her eyes, and her thoughts immediately returned to him;how his touch felt on her body. She remembered his hands trailing down her thighs. The way he had kissed her neck softly. Her breath caught, and her skin flushed from the heat that rose steadily in her core. She yearned for his touch once more. She needed to feel his hands on her skin and breathe in his scent. Staying away from him seemed like the most difficult decision she'd ever made, and she found herself forgetting everything and running to him.
