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His dark chuckle makes the muscles in my thighs cramp, clenching far too often in his presence. I should be surprised, maybe even disgusted, at his admission, but I can’t help feeling... envious.
Of his strength, the ability to carry on and create a life for himself utterly separate from the demons haunting him. How he somehow created a new soul from the tainted one given to him, becoming one of the most lethal, dangerous, richest men in the entire state.
Because as much as I like to think my life is unaffected by the things my father and his friends did, by this world of crime and evil, I can’t deny that I’ve lost a significant amount of my life to him.
To my father, my plan for revenge, the sleepless nights I spent plotting and healing, only to find someone else to cut me open, make me vulnerable, pluck the revenge from my hands.
But I don’t think Elia wants to see me that way. He likes the fire within me, my passion, and spark, and it somehow eases the canyon in my mind where thoughts of a better life go to die.
I don’t feel suffocated, like allowing him to step in somehow puts me in his debt. If anything, that he’s aware of my list—and the intent behind it—and refuses to hold it against me, or look at me like I’m a monster, makes me feel like an equal.
Like he loves me.
Absently, I cradle the bottom of my flat stomach.
“For the record,” he says after a long, almost painful silence stretches between us. Worry creases his brows like he thinks he’s losing me. “I’m not a psychopath. I don’t kill indiscriminately, and I didn’t kill my mother for the fun of it. They left us there, bleeding out from more stab wounds than I could reasonably attend to, and there was this horrible wheezing sound coming from her.”
He sucks in a shuddered breath, and I pull my body from his, hiking a leg up and sliding onto his lap, straddling him. As I let my palms rest on his chest, he continues his story while trailing his fingers up the outside of my thighs.
I feel myself leaking on top of him, a mixture of his come and arousal, and it makes my womb clench so hard that I see stars.
“She was seizing, her body locking up, crying out in absolute agony, begging me to finish the job. So, I did, because I loved her and couldn’t bear to watch her suffer. There was nothing else I could do, and the weight ofthathas followed me like an engorged rain cloud ever since.”
“That’s why you wanted to help me at Luca’s party. Some kind of atonement.”
“That’s what it started as, yeah. But, Caroline, I fucking swear to you, it’s become so much more. I’m in lo—”
I bend down, sealing his lips with my own. As I pull back, swiping my thumb along his chin, a soft smile grows on my face. “I know, Elia. I know.”
Sitting up, I straighten my back and grab both of his hands, settling them over my stomach, palms flat against my skin. It feels so fucking good to have his hands on me, the fear that lurks within me is almost nonexistent.
But not entirely.
Like a stalker lying in wait, it sits. Watching. Looking for the first opportunity to fuck everything up.
And as a question dawns on him, eyes flickering between his hands and my face, a tender expression melting his features in a way that makes my heart soar, I roll off him before he has a chance to speak.
“Caroline—”
I struggle to my feet, one leg getting caught on the edge of the mattress, and shimmy into my dress from before, purposely avoiding looking at him. Nevermind the fact that his impressive dick is still out, covered inme. I know that if I look back, he’ll see right through me. And, unfortunately, anxiety is winning out.
I scrape my teeth over my lip, staring a hole in the floor. “Do you think you could show me?”
“I—show you what?”
“How to kill my father?”
THE NIGHT BEFORE my father’s fundraising gala, Juliet and I stop by Jupiter Media to help Liv stuff invitations for her upcoming launch party for some indie artist’s upcoming album.
My arms ache and feel heavy from a full week of practicing self-defense with Elia. Apparently, our house has a home gym tucked in the back, and I’ve lived there all this time, completely unaware. We’ve kept it light, focusing primarily on defensive weapon strategies and stamina, though he still has no idea why we aren’t exercising with more vigor.
But he’s been wearing me out at night, too, since I’ve agreed to start sleeping in his bed. And I refuse to give up his energetic dick, so I’m trying to keep all other aspects of physical exertion to a cool minimum.
Liv clucks her tongue when I note I still haven’t told him about the baby, licking across one of the lilac envelopes embossed with her company logo. “You’re such a chicken.”
I snort because that’s exactly the role I’ve purposely cast myself in. Makes it harder to point to me as a suspect if no one thinks I’m capable. “It’s a big deal.” She doesn’t remember that night at Crimson, and I never bring it up.
“Yeah, but I think you’re blowing it out of proportion.Bawk-bawk.” Juliet sets a new stack of envelopes at the center of the conference table, tossing me a wink as she pretends to flap her wings. “But seriously, most husbands would be ecstatic about this kind of thing.”
