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“I’m busy,” I answered.
“Then why did you pick up the phone?”
“Because the sound of my voice makes you wet.”
“Funny.” She laughed. “How’s your morning?”
“Typical. My secretary just came onto me for the third time this month.”
“She sent you another ‘You and me belong together’ note with chocolates?”
“No, she offered to suck my dick.”
“What?” She gasped. ”You’re kidding!”
“Unfortunately not. After that, she told me she was willing to give me her virginity. Needless to say, I’ll be posting a replacement ad pretty soon. Anyone from your office want to work for a better firm? I’ll double the salary.”
“How do you know that my firm isn’t better than yours?”
“Because you call and ask me for advice on cases all the time—silly cases at that. If your firm was better, you’d never have to ask.”
“Whatever.” She groaned. “Have you bucked off the online dating wagon yet?”
“Bucked? Wagon?” I could never understand her little Southern metaphors. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Ugh, god...” She sighed. “It means you didn’t update me about your date last night so I guess it was a bust, which means you haven’t slept with anyone in over a month. That has to be a record for you.”
“It is.”
“Do you want some advice?”
“Not unless you want to come to my office and tell me in person.” I smiled.
“No, thanks. Speaking of advice, I’ll need your help Friday night.”
“With what?”
“I just landed a pretty big case. I haven’t gone through all the documents yet, but I already know I’m in over my head.”
I leaned back in my chair. “If it’s that big of a case, you could bring the documents to my condo tonight. I’d be happy to help you sort through them. Categorization has always been my specialty.”
“Ha! Nice try, but I don’t think so.” She continued to talk about her case, but I was only halfway listening. It still struck me as odd that she didn’t want to meet me in person, that she shut down the very thought any time I brought it up.
“Also...” She was still rambling. “I’ll probably have to do some research on those changes. I’m not sure if—”
“Tell me the real reason why I can’t meet you in person.” I cut her off.
“What?”
“We’ve known each other for six months now. Why don’t you want to meet?”
Silence.
“Do I need to repeat the question?” I stood up and walked over to my door, locking it. “Did you not understand me?”
“It’s against the LawyerChat rules...”
“Fuck LawyerChat.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s against the rules for you and me to have each other’s phone numbers in the first place, for us to act like f**king teenagers and make each other cum over the phone at night, but you’ve never complained about that.”
