AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Fiona
Itry to shrink into myself, try to get my mind to shut off as Boyd slides from the bed, retreating to the bathroom to, presumably, get something to clean up with.
I swear, I try.
But the second I feel him leaking from my center, my clit still throbbing with aftershocks of my orgasm, tears spring to my eyes; I move my arms down to fold my hands over my eyes and realize I’m still trapped by his belt.
A hot wave of embarrassment washes over me, and the rest of my thoughts take root, cycles of irrationality that spin freely in my gut.
It’s not the sexual exploration that unsettles me, it’s the realization behind the kink; the need to be dominated, controlled, in order for my mind to put its intrusiveness on hold and just exist, for however brief a moment in time.
It’s the possibility that my obsessive-compulsive disorder maybe isn’t as in-check as I once thought, especially if Boyd could guess that I have it. It’s supposed to be hard to distinguish, when you’re managing it correctly, and I’m afraid mine’s been spiraling out of control for so long that it might be past the point of return.
When the bathroom door opens, I pinch my eyes closed, not wanting him to see the despair that’s crept back in. Afraid that he’ll get tired of trying to wring it out of me.
I don’t know how to tell him this is probably as good as it’s going to get.
He drags a warm washcloth over my center, the act of cleaning me up after what just transpired so wholly intimate that it sends a sharp, stabbing pain across my stomach. His lips leave hot, open-mouthed kisses on the inside of my thighs as he works, soothing after everything.
He gets up again, leaving me exposed to the elements, and I snap.
A sob contracts in my throat, burning as it pushes through, tears spilling over even as my body works to reabsorb them.
“Shit, are you crying?” The overhead light flips off, and Boyd comes back over to the bed, undoing the belt and tossing it onto the floor, then scoops me into his muscular arms.
He wrangles me out of his shirt, and I press my head against his chest even though I’m still angry, too drained to fight off the soft warmth he provides. “Did I hurt you?”
I shake my head, afraid to speak, and he hooks his chin in my hair, settling back against the headboard and pulling the covers up over us. Stretching my legs out, I let myself melt against the sturdiness of his body, his legs cocooning me in place.
“You need an electric blanket,” he says after a beat, running his fingers through my hair.
“Bring yours over,” I whisper, wiping at the tears staining my face.
“Talk to me.”
I stare into the darkness of my room, shapes forming and disappearing in front of my eyes, trying to figure out where to even begin. “When’s your birthday?”
“December fifth.”
“Favorite color?”
“Um… gold?”
“Do you have any tattoos you regret?”
Chuckling, he pinches my side. “I’m covered in them, so there are bound to be a few. Like the crowns on my knuckles—those were done in a friend’s basement back in college. Got infected and almost lost my entire hand. Or the one-eyed mermaid on the back of my calf. That one’s bad, too.”
I blink, considering this, and then double back around to one of the matters at hand, settling on the most relevant. Anything to keep my mind from settling. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“Done what?”
“I’m not on birth control. Well, I get the shot, but I missed my appointment for the booster last time because I had to take my mom to the doctor, so...”
He exhales, and I hear him scrub a hand down his face. “I won’t apologize for being the first man to claim you, Fiona. Won’t apologize for wanting to be the only one who ever does. You bring out this primal need in me that I’ve never felt before. It’s... deranged, but I can’t help it.”
Sucking in a deep breath, he pinches my chin. “If something happens, we’ll figure it out.”
I think about his sister, the one I’ve never heard him mention outside of the one time I asked about her, my heart squeezing inside of my chest. “Do you want kids, Boyd?”
