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He didn’t respond, his expression unchanging.
“Lear,” I said, touching his forearm.
He dropped his gaze to my fingers and followed their path as I slowly dragged them over his arm, the tiny hairs tickling my skin until I reached the back of his hand.
“You can call me Ruthie.”
Our fingers intertwined, and he drew me closer to him. “You told me not to. Almost no one calls you Ruthie.”
“I know. I know I said that, but...” I looked out over the ocean, searching for the right words. There were none, though, just the moon reflecting in a million glittering spots. When I looked back, his soft brown eyes were still intent on me.
“But?”
“But... almost no one calls me that because Ruthie is sweet and nice and gentle, and I rarely want people to see that. You’re special, though, Lear. I know a lot of people have led you to believe you’re not, including me, and I’m sorry, but you are.” I rested my hand on his chest, tipping up my chin to take in his inscrutable expression as I stepped closer. “You can call me Ruthie, and maybe that will remind you that you get parts of me most people don’t get. That you’re special, even when I forget to tell you, and, despite my best efforts, I think you see a lot more than what I plan on you seeing. Or maybe I’ve just gotten comfortable with you seeing all of me.”
I kept talking, afraid that if I quit, I wouldn’t keep saying all the hard things. “I should have some grand gesture in mind here, something that shows you I know I was wrong and that I’m sorry, that I want you in my life. I wish I did, because Idowant you in my life... standing here now, well... I don’t know how to prove to you I won’t push you away again, because I might try, but I have this.” I pulled the printed confirmation from my pocket and handed it to him, studying his expression until his eyes met mine again.
“You prepaid for bowling lessons?”
“For both of us. I never let people see me doing things at which I might fail. But I want to bowl with you, and I want a relationshipwith you, because even though you’ll see me fail left and right at both things, I want to be the person who lets you in. All the way.” I spoke faster and faster, pulling the words from a raw place in my chest, and I gripped his shirt. “I fell in love with the way you double-check details, and your maddening attention to butter, and that you sing along with musicals, and I fell in love with how you look at me like I can do no wrong even when I’m messing up all the time, and I fell in love with how I feel when I’m with you. So...” I finally stopped for a breath after speaking like I needed to get all the words out at once. I’d spent most of the time I’d known him comparing Lear to other men, but I wasn’t the same person with him that I was with other men. I was more me with Lear Campbell than anyone I’d ever been with. “Please come watch me be a horrible bowler, because I trust you to give me crap when I’m awful, and I know you’ll still love me when I make fun of you for the same.”
He still didn’t say anything, and the sound of the waves crashing was the only sound between us. “I’m in love with you, Lear.”
Slowly, so slowly, his palm slipped from mine, and I worried I’d made a mistake. Maybe he wasn’t ready for all that. Then he shifted his palm to my hip, fingers gripping me. His expression opened, almost in surprise, but he still hadn’t said anything. From the reception on the beach, the music floated down to us. The heavy bass faded out, and the opening lines of “Can’t Help Falling in Love” filled the air.
Lear lifted our linked fingers and deliberately kissed each of my knuckles before guiding my hand to his neck and pulling me to him.
“You know I hate silence,” I murmured, loving the feel of his body pressed to mine, the warmth intoxicating as the breeze swirled around us.
“I know.” A smile tipped his lips up. “That’s why I’m making you wait.”
“I hate waiting.”
“I know.” His hand flexed at my waist.
“Are you done?”
“Yeah,” he said, as the chorus of the song began. He dipped his face close to mine.
“And?”
He smiled, a real smile that was just a bit of his normally cocky attitude. “Will you stop talking so I can kiss you?”
His lips brushed mine, his tongue gliding along my lower lip and his hand cupping my neck. Our bodies aligned, and I sank into the kiss with the waves crashing behind us. The pressure and sweetness of his lips, of his tongue seeking entry, left me breathless. “I don’t want to call you Ruthie, though.”
“Why not?”
He lowered his face to mine again, our noses grazing. “I didn’t fall in love with Ruthie. I fell in love with RJ.” He dotted kisses on my cheek, my jaw, the corner of my lip. “Sweet, nice, gentle, badass, won’t-admit-when-she’s-wrong, drives-me-up-a-wall, doesn’t-want-anyone-to-know-she’s-kind RJ.” He looked into my eyes, our foreheads touching.
I stroked the skin at the nape of his neck, and my own heartbeat filled my head at his words. “Even though I love you, too, I probably still won’t always admit when I’m wrong most of the time.”
His face cracked into a smile again, and he kissed me, nipping at my lip.I love that smile. I love him.The playful kiss heated, and he trailed his mouth over my jaw and to that spot just below my ear, dragging his tongue along the sensitive skin before nipping at my earlobe. “We’ll work on it together.”
“So, we’re doing this. A real relationship?” I let out a stuttered breath as his lips trailed down my neck. It felt good—it always did when he found that spot below my ear—but it felt right, more right, like those kisses were a punctuation mark on something.
“A real relationship,” he said against my skin, pulling my bodyto his. “If you push me away or if I get scared, we’ll make time for each other and talk about it.” Of the two of us, he was always more conciliatory, and him drawing this clear expectation squeezed my chest. “I didn’t talk about things enough with my ex. I didn’t think I could, but you’re worth the risk, RJ.”
“We’ll be honest and talk about things.” I caught his lips against mine, relishing the sweetness of the kiss. I’d never come close to this conversation with Case or any other ex. “I like talking to you.”
