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“What if I told you I don’t care if anyone is watching?” He’s got that stubborn look in his eyes that I know well.
“I’d say even if we were at that point, your sister’s wedding isn’t the place to make an announcement like that.” I slowly slide my hands up his arms, taking in the feel of his muscles under his jacket, and savor every second in his hold. “You smell good.”
Cooper chuckles. “Soap and water, baby.”
“It smells really good on you.” I take a risk and lay my head against his shoulder for a moment, inhaling his uniquely clean scent, then step back. “We can’t do this. Not here. Not now.” The band switches to an older song I’ve heard before. “True Companion.” I think it was originally by Marc Cohn. And it’s like they’re trying to rip my heart out.
I turn and grab a glass of wine from a passing server and walk outside. The country club where the reception is being held is on the beach, one town over from the houses. I walk away from the man I’ll always love, down the stone path through the grass, planning to go sit on the beach for a while until I’m called over to where everyone is sitting on crisp white, Adirondack chairs around a beautiful stone firepit. Nattie is in Brady’s lap, glowing. Sabrina sits on my brother, as does Lenny on Bash. My heart hurts for a minute that I’m not allowing myself to have this. If I wanted it, it would be mine. If I was willing to do that to Cooper.
Chloe sits by herself and yells over to me. “Come on, Carys. You can sit on my lap.”
I join the group and sit down on the arm of Chloe’s chair just before I spot Cooper walking outside, looking for me. I clock the minute he finds me with our family, and his entire body changes.
Loosens somehow.
Relaxes.
And maybe that’s what I was looking for.
He’s relaxed with them, but what I’m doing isn’t fair. I’m hurting him.
The chatter around me continues as music pumps out from the open doors.
Nat smiles from her place on Brady’s lap, her long white dress covering both their legs. “Pretty sure I need to thank Chloe and Bash,” she laughs. “If it hadn’t been for the two of you, I may never have gotten Brady’s attention.”
“Oh, sweetheart. You had my attention the first second you walked into that kitchen.” He kisses her, and we all groan and then turn as one to look at Cooper, waiting for him to say something the way he’s always teased the two of them. But how does he do that, now that he’s been hiding what we’ve done from his best friends? As that thought crashes down around me like a violent wave, I hear him.
“What?” Coop asks. “I can’t yell at him for kissing her anymore. He married her.”
I’ve done this to him. I’ve asked him to lie to his friends and our family.
I’ve ruined so many things, but I can fix it.
Chloe grabs my hand in hers and squeezes it reassuringly.
She knows how much this hurts.
Nattie’s head pops up. “Do you have to go back tomorrow, Cooper?”
“You know I do, Nat,” Coop tells her solemnly.
I need to get out of here. Standing up, I turn to the group. “I’m going to check on Mom. See if she needs help with Callen.” I feel Cooper’s eyes burning into me as I hear him.
“I don’t fly out until tomorrow night. Who wants to sunrise surf in the morning?”
They all groan.
The singer announces the last dance of the night, and I peek over my shoulder to see them all lift their glasses in a toast. “To the new Mr. and Mrs. Ryan.”
“To the Ryans” is echoed back before Nattie adds, “To family.”
Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” drifts through the open doors, and I hold in the sob that catches in my throat.
* * *
I leave my room unlocked when I go to bed.
Knowing I shouldn’t but praying he checks.
