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I smack my hand over her mouth and look around. “Could you please lower your voice?”
“Seriously, could you even imagine if he gave you mono? How the hell would you have explained that to your mom?” Daphne looks at me over the rim of her coffee cup with mischief in her eyes.
“No one has mono. I spent all last week with Chloe, and she’s still fine,” I protest.
Chloe’s hands wave around animatedly. “Wait a minute. We were together,” she points between the two of us. “But we weren’ttogether, together. You know what I mean?” She thinks about that for a moment. “I mean, I love you, but I’ve seen you naked, and there were no sparks.”
Maddie and Daphne giggle, and I slam my hand against the table a little harder than I planned on.
“Touchy, touchy,” Chloe mocks, then points at my half-eaten waffles. “You gonna eat that?”
I shake my head and push my plate her way.
I still don’t feel great—not sick, just tired.
Chloe and I did some business planning last week. We worked on a few ideas for upcoming designs and figured out what we wanted the second half of the year to look like for Le Désir. We also talked to a graphic designer about branding, met with the two boutiques that have been buying from us in the city, and spoke with someone about outsourcing the manufacturing when we’re ready. And I took all three of my second session summer finals.
I’m spent.
“What time is your flight, Carys?” Daphne knows I’m anxious to get back to California, especially now that Cooper’s training is over.
“Six-thirty tomorrow morning.” I take a nervous breath, wondering what it’s going to be like, and my bestie catches it.
“Don’t be nervous. It’s Cooper,” Daphne states like that makes any sense. “Are you really not going to talk to anyone about it before you go?”
Chloe throws an unopened creamer at Daphne. “What are we? She’s talking to us.”
“You know what I mean. The longer you guys keep this to yourself, the bigger the secret gets. The bigger the secret, the bigger the fallout.” Daphne looks at Maddie for support, but she just shakes her head.
“Don’t look at me. I don’t know the crazy family dynamic you’re all talking about.” Maddie reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “You do you, Carys. Everyone else will either get on board, or they won’t. But you’ll have what you want.”
What I want... WhatdoI want?
I’ve been asking myself that for months now.
I wanted to go to school in California. I begged my mom to let me go. I wanted the freedom. The independence. And I’m so glad I did it. But while I can’t wait to get back, it has nothing to do with school. I thought maybe I’d hate the summer classes less than I hated the previous courses. I was wrong. They were worse. Shortened semesters meant covering so much more during each class. I’m so glad they’re over, and I have a few more weeks before the next semester starts.
I keep thinking I’ve got things figured out, and I keep being proven wrong.
I’m going through the motions, but I’m not sure what the endgame is.
* * *
The flight back to San Diego is brutal. The turbulence is enough to make me queasy. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m so anxious to get home, but the six hours spent suspended in the air feel more like seventeen. It gives me way too much time to contemplate... well, everything. So I do what I always do when I’m trying to make decisions.
I make a list. Writing things down has always helped calm my busy mind.
~ Is school for me?
It really isn’t, but can I design and run a successful lingerie line without a degree?
~ Is owning a lingerie company what I definitely want to do with my life, or would I rather design for someone else?
No. I want to design for myself. I want to see Le Désir in high-end boutiques around the world.
~ Cooper...
There’s no question about my feelings for Cooper.
