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Maybe Dr. Cruz was wrong.
* * *
Dr. Cruz wasn’t wrong.
One week later, Jessie came with me to my appointment with Dr. Gaither, my new doctor. I made her promise not to tell Ford anything until after today’s appointment. I haven’t told anyone yet. Not my family or my roommates. Not even Chloe or Daphne. And definitely not Cooper. None of them can do anything to help me. So until there’s something definite to tell them, it’s easier not to say anything.
Dr. Gaither is an older man with stark white hair and small glasses, who reminds me of someone you’d cast as a wise old grandpa on a TV show. He seems warm and understanding, and the awards on his walls make me think he’s at the top of his field, which I find extremely comforting.
“Do you have any questions for me, Carys?”
We’ve been in here for nearly an hour already. I have lupus, but it’s not a death sentence.
“I have so many, but I can’t think of a single one right now.” Brutal honesty is about all I have the energy for at this point.
“Continue tracking everything in your journal, but I do think the prolonged exposure to the sun seems to be a trigger for you.”
A single tear tracks down my cheek. “Will I be able to have kids?” I’m trying so hard to hold myself together but failing.
“There’s no way I can give you a qualified answer to that question right now, Carys. Quite a few factors will come into play when it’s time to consider that.” He’s dancing around the answer, and I don’t appreciate it.
I look over to Jessie, who has a notebook resting in her lap where she’s been taking notes during the entire appointment. Her watery eyes force me to push harder. She’s a nurse practitioner. She understands all of this on a level I don’t yet. If she’s upset, there’s a reason to be upset.
“Dr. Gaither, if I wanted to get pregnant right now. Today. What would you tell me?”
“Carys, I don’t like to play what if games.” The look he sees on my face must change his mind. “But if you need an answer today, based on the flare-up you’ve been in on and off for months now, as well as your medical history, yes, you could possibly get pregnant. But whether you could carry to term is uncertain. And it could be extremely dangerous for you. I don’t know how your body would physically handle a pregnancy. I wouldn’t suggest it. In fact, I’d warn against it.”
With a small nod, I stand. “Thank you, Dr. Gaither. I’ll schedule my follow-up for next month on my way out.”
“Please do, Carys. I need to see you monthly until we have this under control.” He rises from his desk and watches us leave his office.
I make my appointment and add it to my calendar, then look at Jessie. “Ready to go home?”
“Yeah. Want me to drive?” She’s been such a good friend throughout this. Some people come into your life at the exact moment you need them most, and Jessie is definitely that person.
“No, I’m good. At least now I know what I’m dealing with. That’s a start.” I’m pretty impressed with the front I’m able to put on right now.
She doesn’t need to know that my heart is breaking.
When my planelanded on base in Coronado this morning, I had a plan. I needed to speak with Command, then with Ford. Command was easy, but when I find Ford in the cages where we keep our gear, I feel like a fucking asshole.
It’s a big room where each member of the team has his own cage. We keep our weapons, gear, and basically everything we need for our missions in here.
He’s sitting in his cage, and judging by the look on his face, he’s waiting for me. “Sinclair.” He stands up when I enter the room. “I heard you were getting back today.”
I unlock my cage and drop my bag inside. “Is that all you heard?”
Ford smiles in a way that answers my question.
“Am I making the right decision?” I sound like a kid asking for permission. “Leaving you guys feels wrong, man.”
Ford crosses his arms over his chest and stands silently for a moment. “This was a trial run, Cooper. You passed. Bravo Team wants you, and Lou’s leaving at the end of the year. He just needs to finish his time. You’re good. You know it. We know it, and now, they know it too. Do I want to see you go? Fuck no. But if you go there, you can be close to that crazy fucking family of yours, and I know you want that.” He rocks back on the heels of his boots. “Most of us don’t come from the kind of family you’ve got, Sinclair. I get it. I’d want to be there too. Plus, it gets your girl closer to home, if you take her with you. Jessie and she have gotten tight. Don’t fuck it up. She’s a good girl.”
“Yeah well, nothing is final. Looks like you’re stuck with me for the rest of this year.” I lock my cage back up and face my team leader. My friend. “Damn, leaving you guys is gonna suck.”
“You want your own Alpha Team someday, Sinclair. And I think that’s gonna happen for you with Bravo Team. Just don’t go getting lazy on me in the meantime.” He pulls me in for a back pound. “Come on. Carys has your Jeep, right? I’ll give you a ride home.”
Part of me doesn’t want to leave this team.
