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“He does. It’s already in the works for the end of this year. I just don’t know, D. I freaking hate this feeling of doom that’s been hanging over me.”
“What do you hate? Having your man want to rearrange his whole life so you can be closer to your family?” She sips her coffee. “It must really suck being in love.”
“Shut up, brat.” I look out the window and watch the traffic drive by. The trees are just starting to come back to life after a cold winter. Signs of life are beginning to pop up everywhere. “I do want to come back here. I love what being in California gave me, but I don’t think I’m supposed to stay there permanently. I just don’t know if I’m supposed to do it with Cooper.”
“What?” She practically yells across the table. “What the fuck are you talking about? You have loved that man for years.Years, Carys. And you’ve finally got him. What would make you ever consider throwing that away? Did he do something?”
“No, he’s perfect. He’s everything, D. That’s why I don’t think this is going to work. He deserves someone who can give him everything. That’s not me. Not anymore.” It’s the first time I’ve said any of this out loud, and it feels worse than I thought it would.
Daphne grabs my hand across the table and laces our fingers together like we used to do when we were kids. “You said yourself both doctors said this is manageable, Carys. This isn’t a death sentence.”
“They both said it doesn’t have to be, not that it won’t be. They also both said that between lupus and my PCOS, having babies could be very complicated.” I force back the tears threatening to break free.
“Complicated doesn’t mean can’t. And even if you can’t carry your own babies, there are so many other ways to have kids, Carys. Don’t give Cooper up before you’ve given him a chance to prove himself to you.”
I rip my hand away from her and place it in my lap. “He shouldn’t have to prove anything, D. He loves his life. He loves his team in California. He shouldn’t have to give any of that up for me.”
“This isn’t about the teams. This is about you getting scared. You’re running away, Carys, and you’re using Cooper as an excuse.”
“I’m not. In a lot of ways, I’m in such a better place now than I was last year. I know who I am. I know what I want to do with my life, and Chloe and I are already taking steps to make it happen. I know I’m not going back to school after this semester, and that decision was made before I was diagnosed with lupus. Before Cooper ever mentioned Virginia. I made it myself because I know what I want. I like this person I’ve become, and I don’t want someone to feel like they have to take care of me for the rest of my life. That’s not fair to Cooper, and it’s not fair to me.”
I take a big bite of my chocolate cupcake and shut up. Verbal diarrhea isn’t a good look for me.
Daphne throws her napkin on the table, disgusted with me.
Yeah, me too, D.
“So that’s it? Decision made?” Daphne and I have known each other for over ten years, and I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen pity in her eyes.
“Decision made,” I say with a forced bravado I’m not feeling.
“I love you like a sister, so keep that in mind when I say you’re fucking this up. You’re throwing it away, and you don’t have to. But I’ll be here when you need me to pick up the pieces.”
I laugh through my tears. “Love you too.”
Getting backinto the routine with Charlie Team is like breathing to me. You don’t even realize you’re doing it. It requires no effort. No thought. The guys and I work together like a well-oiled machine. And when Trick, Wanda, and I walk in the house Saturday morning from a five-mile run on the beach, Linc and Emerson are sitting in the kitchen, staring at something on the table.
“Hey Em, have you heard from Carys?” She’s been distant since she left for Kroydon Hills. She’s barely responded to my texts, and we’ve only spoken once. That’s not like her.
“Yeah.” She doesn’t lift her head. Doesn’t so much as look my way. “She came home late last night. I think Theo picked her up from the airport.
I still while blood roars in my ears. “What?” Why the hell would she ask him to do that?
She doesn’t say anything.
Linc doesn’t say anything.
“What the hell is up with these two?” Trick asks as he throws me a bottle of Gatorade.
“Em.” I move in front of her.
Linc shoves me away with a hand to the center of my chest. “Back off, brother. You’re not the only one dealing with something right fucking now.”
I take a step back and look at my friend. He’s pale as a ghost with a freaked the fuck out expression on his face. Trick stands next to me, and we both look down at what they’re staring at on the table.
“Holy shit.”
Linc looks up. “You can say that again.”
