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They’re all pregnant.
They’re all glowing.
They’re all deliriously in love, and I can’t decide if I’m jealous or if this pain is just my body’s way of finally dealing with the acceptance that I won’t be able to have this. To be this person.
I sit outside late that night, thinking about it. Thinking about all of it.
I’m so happy for these incredible women in my life. I am. I love my nieces and nephews, and now there’ll be more of them to love. I do accept that. I embrace that. I just won’t have it for myself.
And with that thought in mind, I know what I have to do.
“You sure youdon’t want to crash at our house?” My very drunk brother says to me as we pile out of the party bus that drove us home from O’Malley’s tonight. Everyone is stumbling in different directions. Murphy, Sabrina, Nattie, Carys, and I are all staying with Dad and Katherine tonight. It’s killing Brady not to spend the night before the wedding with my sister, but one night won’t kill him.
I’d know.
I pat Declan on the back, drunk, but maybe not as inebriated as him. “Nah, man. I’m good. I dropped my stuff off at Dad’s earlier.”
“Yeah, you did.” Murph throws an arm around me. “I hope you have headphones for tonight because my wife has been horny as hell since she got pregnant, and it’s so much fucking fun.
“Dude, more than I need to know.” He’s gonna fucking kill me one day when I tell him I’m in love with his sister.
Bash and Declan walk in one direction to their houses. Bash bought the one next to Dad’s a few months ago, and Brady goes the other way to his, while Murphy and I walk in the front door, trying to be quiet but failing miserably. The lights are off when we walk into the kitchen to get some water, and he opens the fridge door. “I’m fucking starving. You hungry?”
“I could eat.”
When Sabrina and Carys walk into the kitchen a few minutes later, Murph and I are devouring what’s left of a tray of mini-sandwiches and fruit. Not the most filling thing I’ve ever eaten, but it’ll work in a pinch.
Sabrina walks into Murphy’s arms and kisses him. “You two have to lower your voices. Nattie sleeping in a bedroom upstairs, and you’re not allowed to wake up the bride the night before her wedding because you have the munchies.”
“We’re not stoned, babe, just drunk.” He kisses her again but deeper, and I look away, catching Carys’s eye, wanting us to have the freedom to be that open.
Fuck. I’d settle for the freedom to touch her like that in private again.
“Okay, you two.” Carys walks around the kitchen island and pushes Murph’s back. “How about you take this to the bedroom and shut the damn door? Maybe turn on some music. I really don’t want to hear you having sex.”
We watch them walk down the hall to their room, which is on the opposite side of the hall from the two rooms we’re in.
“How was O’Malley’s?” Carys picks up one of the little sandwiches and sniffs it before putting it back down and going for a grape instead.
“I miss these guys. It was great to be back there with them.”
She lifts herself up to sit on the counter and leans back against the cabinet. “Did you hear the news?” She looks away from me and grabs Murph’s half-drunk bottle of water to sip.
“What news?” I watch her throat as she swallows that water. She’s wearing white cotton shorts with tiny red hearts embroidered on them and a matching red tank. The tops of her breasts are plumped and pressing against the neckline. Her face is fresh, no traces of makeup, and her hair sits haphazardly on top of her head. And I swear to God, she’s the most gorgeous fucking woman I’ve ever seen.
“Everyone’s pregnant.” Her voice is flat when she says it, but the fake smile on her face doesn’t escape me.
“Yeah.” I round the counter and stand between her spread legs. “I heard. You doing okay?” My hands rest on the bare skin of her thighs, and my cock gets bad ideas.
Carys rests her warm hands on top of mine but doesn’t push them away. “I’m okay. I’m happy for them. More babies to love can never be a bad thing. It’s just a little overwhelming.” My hands inch higher, and Carys slides her hands to my shoulders. “This isn’t a good idea, Coop.”
“Then tell me to stop, Carys.” My thumb grazes her bare sex, and we both moan just as the stairs creek. We jump, and I move away from her. She grasps the back of her head where she just slammed it against the cabinet.
Katherine walks into the kitchen, a concerned look on her tired face. “Hey, Cooper.” She turns to Carys. “Honey, are you feeling okay? Your face is red.”
“I’m fine, Mom. I just got up for water, and Cooper and Aiden had both just gotten home.” She hops off the counter and kisses her mom on the cheek. “I’m going to bed now. I’ll see you both for brunch tomorrow morning. Good night.”
I wait for Katherine to go back upstairs before I quietly make my way down the hall and stop outside of Carys’s bedroom. There’s a rhythmic creaking coming from the room across the hall that Murphy and Sabrina are in, and I raise my hand to knock on Carys’s door before I think better of it and look at the knob.
