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The first tears begin stinging the backs of my eyes when the sun catches the bright blues and reds of the flag, and I feel Emerson steel her spine next to me.
Once we’re all seated, she rubs her baby bump and winces, worrying me.
“Are you feeling okay?” I lay my hand over her belly and am immediately kicked by the baby.
Em looks at me with nearly lifeless eyes. “I’m not in labor yet. She’s just shoving her foot into my rib cage.”
I pull my hand away, but she grabs it and lays it back over her bump, linking our fingers together.
Two years ago, we were decorating our dorms and drinking at fraternity parties.
A year ago, we were both falling in love with these men.
Now, we’re burying Linc, and Cooper and I might as well be in two different countries.
The minister goes through the brief service, and Ford gives a beautiful eulogy. Through it all, my eyes continuously stray to Cooper. He never removes his aviators, so I don’t get so much as a glimpse of his eyes. But I feel them on me, as soft as a lover’s touch. He might be mad, but there’s no way this man can hate me. And when the SEALs standing with Bravo team all bang their Trident pins into the casket, leaving Cooper for last, my heart catches in my throat... again.
I refuse to give up on us.
I’ll never give up onhim.
It’s as if I lived my entire life in a dull black-and-white movie until he introduced me to the excitement of color. Then I threw it away and stepped back into the gray. But I’m not giving up on us. I screwed up, but I can fix it. I have to believe that.
The minister asks us to stand again, and the riflemen are signaled for the twenty-one-gun salute. With each ringing of the guns, my body jolts, and I strengthen my resolve to fight for what’s mine. And as long as there’s a breath left in my body, that man is mine.
“Areyou going to talk to her?”
I turn my head toward Jessie, who just walked outside with a plate of food in her hand.
“Come on, Coop. You need to eat something. Hanger is a real thing.” She shoves the food at me, then stands in front of me, waiting. Always the military wife, making sure everyone else is fine and has what they need. “Take it, Coop. I’m betting you’re still on heavy duty medication, and you need to eat.” One eyebrow raises.
“Why are you mothering me instead of your husband?” I fire back at her.
A small smile tugs at her lips. “He’s inside talking to Stone Madden. I decided I didn’t want to watch him revert back to a teenage boy, fangirling over his idol, and came to find you.”
“Thanks.” I take the plate from her and sit down, just as I see Jack place his hand on Carys’s back and whisper in her ear. Her brown hair brushes against his face, and when she turns, she stops and stares at me for a moment before she moves up the stairs of the back deck to go into the house.
“Are you going to tell her why you’re pushing her away?” Jessie sits down next to me and watches Carys. “She loves you. Today of all days, I think we should hold on to that where we can, Cooper.”
Her words hit hard.
She’s not wrong.
“Carys is safer the further away from me she is. We have no idea what the hell’s going on, Jess. Fordhadto tell you. You’re his wife. Carys is better off not knowing.” I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince Jessie or myself.
“Isshesafer, or areyou, Coop?” Her hand moves to her hip. “You guys like to think you can protect us from everything. But that’s not what we want. Ford told me because I’m his partner. He told me so I could be aware. Prepared.”
“That’s the thing, Jess,” I cut her off. “She and I aren’t partners. When I wanted to be there for her... to be the one she leaned on, talked to... fucking trusted—” I stop myself and look away. I stare out over the ocean as it crashes against the sand and then stand. “We’re not partners, Jess. So she doesn’t get a say in how I protect her.”
I excuse myself and walk into the house, going in search of the coffee I saw some guests walking around with. Once I’m in the kitchen, it’s as if there’s a fucking beacon above my head that says I don’t want to be left alone, and everyone stops in to talk. A few of the guys from Delta team check in before Theo pours himself a cup of coffee and leans against the island.
Great.
Another person ready to give me their two cents.
“I was glad to hear you were okay, man.” The drummer stands there with his suit coat forgotten somewhere and the sleeves of his white dress shirt rolled up his arms. He’s cut his hair shorter than it was a few months ago, and there’s a tattoo on his forearm that wasn’t there before. The muscles under his tat move as he spins a serving spatula through his fingers like a drumstick. “You gonna be in town for a while?”
“I’m not sure what I’m doing yet, but I should be here for a few weeks,” I answer noncommittally, not sure why he’s asking.
