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The rest of me doesn’t give a shit after the day we’ve had.
We order sandwiches, which neither of us touch, and watch TV in bed while we continue fielding calls from everyone. Her brother. My sister and brother. Ford and Jessie. Bash. Everyone wants to check in. Most of them we promise to see soon. Ford and Jessie plan to meet us for coffee at the shop down the street in the morning before we leave.
The house is a crime scene and taped off for now. But whenever we can get in again, they agree to grab our things and send them back to Pennsylvania for us.
The only things I was able to take with me today were my wallet and her purse.
At least we have our ID’s.
Carys stands up and stretches after the closing credits and bonus scene roll for the movie we put on earlier and walks toward the door.
“Where are you going?” I ask as my heart races at the idea of her being out of my sight.
She tilts her head and squints her eyes, like my question doesn’t make sense. “To the bathroom. I’ll be right back. Go ahead and pick the next movie.”
My shirt swallows her delicate body, hitting her mid-thigh, and the socks she swiped from my drawer sit sexy on her legs, hitting mid-calf. It shouldn’t be a good look, but it looks fantastic on her.
She climbs back into bed a few minutes later with a bottle of ibuprofen and swallows two pills, then curls her body around mine and gets comfy.
“What do you want to watch?” I ask as I scroll through our options.
She hums in the back of her throat. “Anything. I don’t care.” She pulls the blanket up around us. “I’m falling asleep.” She kisses my chin. “Today was too close, Coop. I could have lost you.”
“Baby, I had to stand there while someone had a gun to your head. Never again, Carys. I don’t want this world touching you ever again.” She’ll never realize how close we came. I hope she doesn’t because it’s going to haunt me.
* * *
At some point, after having binged basically every movie Adam Sandler has put out this century, I slip out of bed without waking Carys and make sure the doors are locked and the alarm is armed. I don’t bother turning the TV off because I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep tonight. Not with the visions of the day constantly assaulting me. Only now, they’re mixing with my buried memories from the last op.
I was better off before.
When I couldn’t remember taking out the enemy’s tires.
When I didn’t know that my orders... that my action was what started the gunfire that led to the chaos. You can’t always pinpoint when an op goes sideways. But I now know taking out the enemy’s tires was when the gunfire erupted. And while I was concerned with the enemy on the ground, I wasn’t protecting our guys from the enemy next to me.
When I didn’t remember what happened, at least I wasn’t forced to watch it over and over again.
My brain didn’t play tricks on me by replacing Linc’s face with Carys’s.
When the alarm goes off in the morning, letting us know it’s time to get moving if we want to catch up with Ford and Jessie, I’m not sure I’ve managed to even get a solid hour of sleep.
I lay in bed all night, holding her. Watching her. Feeling her heart beat against my chest.
“Time to wake up, sleeping beauty.” I press my lips to hers, and she wraps herself around me.
Carys groans. “What time is it?” Her emerald-green eyes flutter open, then she squints and closes them again. “Why is it so bright?”
“It’s time to get dressed, if we’re going to meet Ford and Jess for coffee.” I run my hand along the curves of her body. “How are you feeling?”
“My head hurts a little, and my muscles feel like I ran a marathon.” Carys curls into me, wrapping herself around me. She lays her hand over my heart. “How are you feeling? Did you get any sleep last night?”
“I’m fine. Your muscles are sore from the adrenaline dump. You didn’t feel anything yesterday because the adrenaline protected you from it. It’s always worse the next day.” I throw the blanket off us and climb out of bed. “Now, move that sweet ass. We’ve got to get going.”
“Coop...” My stomach drops as she sits up and looks at me with concern in her eyes. “Talk to me. Neither of us should be fine today.” When she climbs out of bed, it’s with slow and cautious movements, accentuating how sore her body must be.
My palms run up her arms. “Come here, baby.” I tuck her against my chest and breathe her in, calming my demons. “Everything is going to be alright. Don’t worry about me. I was trained for this.”
She wraps her arms around my waist and presses her lips to my chest. “I hope you’re right.”
