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He convinced himself it was a trick of the light as he lowered his head. As he took her lips, felt hers cling to him and tried to swat away the emotions battering away at him.
This was nothing more than sex.
Two and a half hours. He would use all of it. Indulge to his body’s content.
Then he would get back on track.
His infernal yearningwouldbe contained.
Her throat was raw from screaming in ecstasy. The moment Tahir had assured her they were entirely private and wouldn’t be either heard or disturbed, Lauren felt as if a passion tap had been turned onto full.
Except she was beginning to suspect it wasn’t merely passion. Passion wouldn’t have triggered the sort of panic she’d felt when she’d woken alone, afraid she’d frittered her precious time with Tahir away with sleep.
Her precious time?
Yes, those three words had been equally terrifying. Because again, Matt had failed to feature in her thoughts, and, worse still, her guilt had been minimal.
She had been thinking entirely of herself. Of the hairline cracks in her heart she suspected had occurred a very long time ago. Twelve years, in fact, when she’d walked away from Tahir Al-Jukrat. Cracks that had grown wider with each moment spent in his presence, leaking emotions she feared she couldn’t contain for much longer.
‘Am I losing you?’
Thick words that dragged her attention back to the present. To the man stretched out beside her on the blanket beneath the stars, one hand on her hip while the other fondled her breast.
Dear heaven, but he was magnificent. Despite the sun having set, there was enough light to make out the chiselled perfection of his features.
No, but I lost you.
She swallowed, for a split second terrified she’d spoken the words aloud. But the quizzical, watchful look in his eyes said he was awaiting an answer.
‘I’m right here,’ she said, attempting lightness she didn’t feel.
The look in his eyes didn’t change. ‘Are you?’ he mused, the tiniest hint of an edge in his voice. ‘I find myself in the peculiar circumstance of wanting to know what a woman is thinking.’
Panic flared higher. She couldn’t tell him her true feelings, of course. That would be like baring her jugular to a predator. ‘I’m thinking that I have a question I’d like to ask.’
One corner of his mouth lifted, amusement mingling with languid satiation on his face. A part of her felt awe for reducing the supreme ruler of Jukrat to a satisfied, post-sex haze. But the greater part of her was still caught in alarm at the passing of time. At the heavier weight of her emotions with each passing second. At the keen knowledge that their twenty-four hours would end with having changed on a fundamental level.
‘I’m not entirely sure how to take asking permission before asking.’
She hadn’t consciously framed the question. It seemed dragged out of her soul, perhaps a puzzle piece she wanted in place for herself. ‘Did you ever manage to repair your relationship with your father?’
His touch tightened on her flesh for a short second before he released her. Jaw clenched, he rolled away from her. ‘That is not a subject I like to discuss in bed.’
‘Technically, we’re not in bed,’ she teased, desperate to reverse time. Wishing she didn’t feel a chill in her soul when he was still within touching distance. But with every avenue seemingly paved with emotional landmines, she was stuck.
‘Ah, I’m afraid the cushion of technicalities won’t make me any more amenable.’ Shoulders stiff, he rose from the blanket and prowled into the semi-darkened space. A second later, he was shrugging on a robe that seemed to have materialised out of nowhere but was probably tucked into all the discreet, magical corners his tents and desert residences contained.
Without speaking further, he padded to one of the giant boulders surrounding the bathing area, his gaze still averted from her. And for several minutes, a grim silence cocooned them.
‘Now it’s my turn to ask whether I’ve lost you.’ Her voice was soft. Shaky. Its meaning far deeper than the obvious.
You never had him. He was a previous but temporary gift you foolishly squandered.
Feeling far too naked on the blanket, she rose too, slipped the wrap over her shoulders before folding her arms around her waist. She looked up to find his eyes fixed on her. Mild displeasure warred with something else. Yearning, possibly. Or at least a window beyond which something glinted, like a...proffer.
She stopped herself from reaching out, grasping it with both hands. Like everything beautiful and magical in this time and space, it was transient. A mirage.
And yet, she remained...hopeful as he exhaled. ‘I’ve mentioned more than once that I’m not the man you used to know.’
