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“Please. Don’t cry,” he said, tugging gently on my pant leg. “All I want to do right now is hold you, but I don’t want to make this any harder.”
I wiped my eyes. “I’m sorry. I know. I should just go to the library and work. Leave you to sl—”
“You haven’t heard a word I’ve said.” He growled. “I don’t want you to go anywhere. I don’t want you to do anything but sit here with me.”
“Jack, we’re not good for each other. You can’t touch me without worrying you’re going to set off one of my visions, and I can’t relax knowing that…” I trailed off, unable to say the words.
“I know I said I wouldn’t push, but I need you to tell me. I need to know what scares you so much when we touch.”
Sliding my feet under me I stood up. “I told you I can’t. Please don’t—”
“If we’re ever gonna get past this, I need to know, Rebekah. You have to tell me.”
I stepped over his legs before he could stand and marched out of the room. If we were going to have this conversation, there was no way I’d have it sitting on the bathroom floor. Jackson caught me halfway to the stairs. He grabbed me by the arm and hauled me back into the bedroom, his fingers tight around my bicep.
“Ouch! That hurts.” I yelped, trying and failing to pull my arm from his grasp.
“You’re not running away from me this time,” he grunted. “We need to talk about this.”
“Jackson, please!”
He released me and leaned against the door, trapping me inside the room. “Rebekah, I love you. I don’t want to sign the divorce papers. I don’t want this to be over, but I don’t know what else we can do. I need you to let me in. Let me help you. We’re married, dammit. We’re supposed to share our burdens. But you won’t let me in. What am I supposed to do? Tell me what to do. Tell me how to help.”
“You help me every day. You keep me sane,” I said.
“Bullshit.” He folded his arms over his chest. “We’ve been apart for the better part of a year. We’ve seen each other a handful of times. I’m not helping you. If anything, I just make it worse. Every time we touch, you get a vision and I don’t. How is that fair?”
“Getting the visions isn’t my problem,” I said. The muscles along my neck and shoulders were on fire. “It’s what Iseethat scares me.”
He nodded, but his eyes focused on the middle ground between us. The gears in his mind were in overdrive. “Tell me what you’ve seen and then maybe I can help you. We can work together to make sure it never comes to pass.”
I exhaled a shaky breath. His words were like a knife to the heart. I wanted to tell him, I wanted our relationship to work, but if I said the words, he’d never look at me the same way again. He’d never trust me again.
Fresh tears poured over my cheeks. “Sleeping beside you, wrapped in a blanket is one thing, but we can never be together again. Not physically. No matter how many hours I spend meditating. Even with that cuff Viktor left me. It’s not safe.”
His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean? Why wouldn’t it be safe?”
My lungs felt like they’d been stuffed with sandpaper. How do you tell the man you love that you’re going to be the thing that kills him?
“Say it,” he urged. “I’m not afraid.”
“But I am.The second I tell you…everything will change.” Afraid wasn’t a large enough word for my fear. I was terrified.
We didn’t have the kind of time I wanted for this conversation, but we were having it anyway. The world outside my bedroom window had gone dark. The aroma of Cajun cooking had wafted up the stairs. Shado or Tate were bound to come knocking at any moment.
It took everything I had just to lift my eyes from the floor. “I’m scared.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered, taking a step towards me.
I held up my hand and walked to the window. I couldn’t look at him. “Every time I touch a living person, my visions change. Someone makes a choice and their fate changes. That’s true for everyone, except you. Every time I see your death, it’s always the same.”
His weight shifted on the floorboards, but he didn’t speak.
“We’re together in bed,” I said, the words sour on my tongue. “You fall asleep, and I strangle you while you’re sleeping…”
He paused for a second, the weight of my words hanging between us, and then he laughed.“Not to sound conceited, but I’m a werewolf. I’m stronger than you. If you randomly decide to strangle me one day then I’ll stop you.”
“Not this time. You’re sleeping. I knock you unconscious, and just to make sure you die, I’m going to stab you through the heart with a silver dagger.” Jackson said nothing, but the room behind me burned like a bonfire had exploded in the center of the floor. I sighed and touched my forehead to the window. “I’m sorry.”
