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I didn’t want to, I wanted to research the cuff, but we were running out of time. The shapeshifter wasn’t going to sit dormant forever. Sooner or later she’d attack, and we needed to be ready for her. I didn’t have time for side projects.
Still, I couldn’t resist the chance to touch my husband unencumbered. Crooking my finger under the lip of the cuff, the metal felt like ice against my skin. It was lighter than I expected. Turning it over on my palm it looked like a lacquered shackle. The markings on the outside flowed over the edges and through the inner ring, but I still couldn’t make sense of their meaning.
“It looks like all you have to do is slip it on,” Shado said. “Slip it on and meditate for a while. Like when you have to attune to an object in Dungeons and Dragons.”
“Nerd.”
“If I’m a nerd, you’re one too.” She giggled, poking me in the shoulder. “We really need to get the gang back together again and play a session. I miss it.”
“Me too. Maybe after all this is over.”
I transferred the cuff to my left hand and aimed the fingers of my right through the center. Its magic pushed against my skin almost immediately. I pressed against it, moving the cuff over my hand and the metal warped around my knuckles. Expanding and contracting until it came to rest comfortably on my wrist.
“Well, that’s new.” I held it out for Shado to see.
“How does it feel?”
I rotated my wrist. “Like I’m wearing a glove.”
“Should we test it out?”
I shook my head. Touching Shado was the last thing I wanted to do. I’d managed to go this long without ever seeing her death. I didn’t want to add that to the worries sitting on my shoulders. “I have to meditate first.”
“Okay. Do you want me to stay?”
I shook my head. “No. I’ll be fine, but can you tell Jack that I’ll be down here for a while? He should go to bed. I’ll come up when I can.”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Just don’t tell him what I’m doing. I don’t—”
“You don’t want to get his hopes up. That’s fine. Just don’t forget you need sleep too, okay? Useful as that cuff may be, you still have to take care of yourself.”
I nodded and she started for the door, but I couldn’t let her go just yet. “Shado?”
“Yeah?” She stopped, hand on the knob.
“What if I’m not really what he wants?”
She chuckled. “What?”
“What if this cuff works, we can finally touch, and Jackson realizes that I’m not worth it.” Wringing my hands, I couldn’t look at her. “What if all this time he’s only been in love with the idea of me or wanted what he couldn’t have? It’s been so long…what if it isn’t the same anymore?”
“Are you nuts? Jackson Sinclair is head-over-heels madly in love with you. The boy absolutely lights up when you come into the room. He can’t sit still when you leave. You’re his mate. His other half.”
Her words made me smile, but I was still worried. All my life I’d kept people at a distance. Every touch had to be pre-planned or done with gloves on. Jackson was the only one who’d cared enough to help me learn to control it, and even that failed.
“Thanks,” I said.
“It’s the truth.” She shrugged and opened the door. “Now, get meditating so he can prove I’m right.”
I rolled my eyes as she disappeared out of the room. She was probably right. Jackson had fought for me every step of the way, even when I’d actively tried to break our bond. I wanted to be with him, he clearly wanted to be with me. I had to give him a chance. He’d more than earned it.
Turning back to the room, I flexed my hands and shook the tension from my shoulders. Viktor’s annex was a good place to focus and meditate, but it didn’t have much in terms of seating. Just a faded circle on the floor, and those softly glowing fake windows along the wall. I would have to use the floor.
I chose the middle of the circle. I folded my legs under me, avoiding the bloodstains, and let my hands fall limp on my knees. The position was as natural as sitting down, but muscle memory couldn’t help me calm my mind. There were so many things bouncing around inside my skull. Death, pain, danger. One by one, I tried to white them out, but it didn’t work. The torrent only grew.
“I’d wager, right about now, you’re having trouble concentrating,” Jackson said. He stood in the doorway, his hair visibly wet from the shower. He had fresh sweatpants on and a new tee-shirt too.
