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“Insight. And if I’m fortunate, forgiveness.”
He laughs, but it holds no joy. It’s harsh, gutting me where I stand. “That was not what I expected.”
“I don’t want to be a villain in your story. Tell me what I did, so I can make it right. Please.”
Baxter pulls away and turns, giving me his back. The stiff set of his shoulders and his rigid stance make me want to go to him, but I know if I do, I’ll never hear what he’s about to say. This is more than assuaging my curiosity now.
It’s about redemption.
“To this day, I don’t know what you said to the Queen, but she never tried to bed me. However, she did destroy me.” Baxter faces and the sorrow etched into his features makes tears sting my eyes. “She had my wife killed, and it’s because of you.”
“No.” I shake my head as though that’ll make everything disappear. “I wouldn’t.”
“You didn’t just wreck me that day. And when Lucien learns that you played a part in his sister’s death…” Baxter scoffs. “He will despise you more than I.”
“What did I say?” I walk up to Baxter and grab the material of his shirt, gazing up at him in desperation. And fear. “Why did I do it?”
“I wasn’t there when you spoke to the queen, but whatever you said caused her to remove me from my position as Captain of the Guard and be exiled from Court, and it led to the execution of my wife.”
I stumble back, my hand covering my mouth. “No.”
The flowers quiver before a melancholy chorus of sound hums in the background. Slowly, they unfurl, revealing their stricken faces to me. Sympathy rolls off of them in waves. I wish it was enough to drown me.
Baxter nods at me. “Enjoy him while you can, princess.”
CHAPTER21
ADELAIDE
My guilt is like a thousand chains. It burdens my steps, slowly sapping my energy until I want to lie down in a pool of misery. And forget everything.
If only Nox could make this memory disappear.
“What is wrong, little bird?” Lucien asks the next morning. “First you denied me entry to your bed last night, which has never happened to me before. It was quite a shock, I assure you. Second, you’re not focused at all today.”
I summon a smile. It wobbles a bit. “I’m just tired. It takes a lot of effort and concentration for me to use my magic.”
His ebony brows snap together. “What have I told you about lying?” He rapts the floor with his cane, the sound making me jump. “Using your magic isn’t the reason for your somber demeanor. I know what you look like when fatigued because I saw your face after I fucked you. That isn’t the case right now.”
“Lucien…”
“Tell me the truth, or try harder with your ability.”
I take a preparatory breath and straighten my shoulders. “Okay, let’s try again.”
“Whenever you’re ready.”
With my eyes closed, I direct my attention toward Lucien’s pulse. It beats quickly, gaining speed due to his anger. The rushing of his blood fills my ears, and I follow it through his veins, the ebb and flow of it soothing. His life force beckons with a surge as though teasing me, and I latch on.
The hatter groans softly. The sensual noise breaks through my concentration, and I open my eyes to find him gripping the edges of a wine barrel. His knuckles are pale, his jaw clenched.
“More,” he says. “Set me ablaze.”
I visualize a trail of fire and drape it over Lucien’s figure. His hips jut forward, gyrating in time with the pounding of his heart. The stiffness of his cock is revealed to me by the blood gathered there.
How I wish to touch him.
Once my memory of my past wrongs comes to light, I’m going to confess everything to Lucien. The decision has been weighing heavily on my mind since Baxter recounted my transgression to me the day before, and I vowed to be honest with the hatter. It’s not right to keep things from him.
