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“I was summoned by the queen to talk about her interest in Baxter,” I say, my voice low. I may not want the guards to overhear, but it’s more than that. I can barely form the words, knowing the destruction they’ll bring. “That’s also when she questioned me as to why I hadn’t slept with him. It piqued her interest. I did my best to divert it, but I’m not immune to her magic.”
I pause to swallow the lump of emotion gathering in my throat. “Shereadme, saw my envy of his wife, Lucien’s sister.”
Closing my eyes, I wait for the storm of rage to manifest. When it doesn’t immediately hit me, I sneak a look at Lucien, finding him stone-faced. This unexpected reaction frightens me more than if he’d attacked me.
Darius covers my hands with his. “You can’t blame yourself for the evil deeds your mother committed.”
“I disagree, brother. Very much so.” Baxter sits up and points a finger in my direction. “She could’ve done something. At least warn us.”
“I did!” My rebuttal echoes in the small space, the sound ricocheting and hitting me again and again. I wince and lower my voice. “I did. I told Matilda, um Tilly, to run as soon as I went to inform her of my mother’s summons for the two of you. But your wife waved it away with a smile and said that she knew it was only a matter of time before the queen took her husband to bed.”
I cover my face, not able to look at anyone for what I’m about to say. “Tilly said she was surprised I hadn’t slept with Baxter already. When I told her that it was because I respected their marriage, your wife hugged me. It brought me to tears and I told her to run. I was desperate to save the two of you, but she just wouldn’t listen. Neither of us thought she was about to be murdered.”
Tears stream down my cheeks in a steady flow, the droplets sprinkling across my chest and soaking into my dress. I don’t bother to wipe them away since more will follow. At least they blur my vision enough that I can’t make out the expressions of doubt and disgust that are being directed at me.
The atmosphere in the carriage is like a powder keg with a lit fuse, and we’re all waiting for the second it explodes.
At this point, I’m not sure who will detonate first: Baxter or Lucien.
They both loved Tilly.
“You’re lying,” Baxter says. “You have to be.”
Darius squeezes my hand in a show of support. “She’s not.”
“How the fuck would you know?” His brother narrows his gaze, but I’m still able to make out the outrage flashing through the green hue. “Besides, you’ve been infatuated with the princess all these years. I wouldn’t believe you no matter what you said to defend her.”
“This is true,” Darius says. “But I know something you do not, and that’s come from years of watching and studying her. I can’t tell you how many times I witnessed her kindness toward a servant, despite the queen forbidding it. There have been instances in which Adelaide has taken punishment for something she didn’t deserve on behalf of someone else. If I could show you the selflessness of her past actions, it’d humble you. I know it has me.”
Baxter scoffs. “You’re delusional.”
“That is certainly possible, considering the madness descending on Wonderland. However, when it comes to the princess, I’m willing to defend her at all costs. Even to you, brother.”
* * *
The rest of the journey to the palace is suffocating.
And Lucien has yet to speak.
Meanwhile, my mind throbs with Baxter’s accusations and Darius’s act of defending me. The memory of my conversation with Matilda was brief, but it was enough to break me. Even though I warned her to escape, I still feel responsible for her demise. Fortunately, I don’t remember her death.
Unfortunately, I suspect it hasn’t revealed itself to me yet.
I shudder to even think about it. Instead, I wallow in my misery. Lucien is so cold he might as well be made from ice. In contrast, Baxter fumes from where he sits, the fire from his anger heating up the inside of the carriage. Darius’s presence is the only thing that keeps me from throwing myself out the window in hopes the soldiers will trample me.
Although the idea has merit.
He never lets go of my hand, even when he checks the time. Then there are the glances he sends my way. Each one of them is full of understanding and affection that have my tears continuing long after the discussion ends.
After what feels like forever, we arrive at the palace.
My heart leaps into my throat upon seeing the massive structure. I gnaw on my bottom lip as I peer out the window, worry overtaking me at the thought of more memories returning now that I’m here where it all took place.
The palace grounds are like a giant chessboard, its black and white checkered squares perfect geometry. They're similar to the fields I saw right before Darius had me lower the curtain in the carriage. The palace is a tower of ivory and alabaster. Its towers are topped with great domes and spires, and the steps and columns are made of smooth marble. The outside is adorned with flowers and heart-shaped decorations, mostly white with hints of red and gold lines on the pillars and walls. A large, square courtyard lies just inside with a marble fountain and there are roses everywhere, all perfumed and sweet, surrounding the entrance.
It'd feel more welcoming if my life wasn't in danger.
In a daze, I descend from the carriage, absentmindedly watching Darius weave my arm through his. He leads me from the courtyard and through the set of double doors, leaving Lucien and Baxter behind. After what transpired on the way here, I don’t have the courage to face either of them.
