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Goddamnit.I hug her tighter.
We stay wrapped around each other for a long moment before Maddie starts to speak again. “It was a month after graduation.”That cap and gown.I swallow down the lump in my throat. “It was night. And raining. They were coming home from a play in The Cities…” Maddie’s fingers grab at the back of my shirt. “There was a drunk driver.”
“Fuck, Baby.” I barely know this girl in my arms, but my heart is shredding for her. For 18-year-old Maddie. For 31-year-old Maddie. And for every year in-between.
She sniffles again, before shifting her weight, getting comfortable.
“I’m okay,” she says it again.
“I’m not,” I admit and she lets out a sad little laugh.
“See?” Her fingers reach up into my hair, giving a tiny tug. “You’re too nice.”
I grunt, “Only for you.” My hand starts to rub up and down her back again. “What did you do?”
Her shoulders lift in another shrug. “I was 18, technically an adult, so I didn’t have todoanything. There wasn’t anyone else, no siblings I mean, so my parents left everything to me. I stayed in the house for a while, but…”
A memory of the first time I was here seizes me.
I asked how long she’s lived alone, and an emotion crossed over her face. I couldn’t place it then, but I can now.
Sorrow.
“Goddamnit,” I squeeze her against me. “Goddamnit, I’m sorry.”
Her small chuckle surprises me, but I don’t let her go.
She pats me on the back, “You don’t have to worry about me, Big Guy. I’m okay, remember? I’m right here.”
“I remember.” I don’t let her go. “But 18 isn’t a fucking adult. 18 is a kid. And I can’t imagine-” I think of my own son, and how lost he would’ve been if me and his mom had both disappeared in the blink of an eye. “I don’t know how you did it.”
“I had Elouise, my best friend, and her family. And, well, my parents had a lot of life insurance. It didn’t make losing them any easier, but I didn’t have to worry about getting evicted or feeding myself or anything like that.”
An angry rumble leaves me. But instead of causing Maddie to tense up, her body relaxes even more.
“I don’t like upsetting you,” she says into my neck, “but I do like that you care.”
“Of course, I care,” I snap the statement without thinking. But it’s true. I do care about her. Probably more than any reasonable person should after such a short time together. “Did you stay in Darling Lake?”
“I did,” she nods. “I sold the house a year later, planning to leave. Maybe go to college, or something like that, but I couldn’t do it. Moving away, to live somewhere I didn’t know, with people I didn’t know, it felt too lonely.” She plays with the ends of my hair. “So I just kept working as a barista at BeanBag until the owners decided to sell and I decided to buy.”
“Do you like it?”
“I do. It’s my home away from home.”
“And this place?”
I can feel her smile, “It’s like a home away from work.”
Some of the tension seeps from my body. I’m far from okay. Really fucking far. But the fact that she can smile, and joke, tells me that she’s alright. That she has been for a while.
We stay sitting together. Letting the silence grow comfortably around us. Until it’s broken by my stomach.
Maddie snickers at the loud rumble and finally turns her head up so she can look at me. “Want me to make you breakfast?”
I crook my lips, “Makes me feel like a jackass if I sayyesto that.”
She grins, all signs of tears gone from her eyes. “What if I say it like this- can I make you breakfast?”
