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He brings his face so close to me that our lips almost touch.
“I can’t believe your pretty little head made up such fucking trash,” he hisses. “I didn’t fucking touch you that night. There, petal.” He pulls away, letting his hands slip off. “Now get the fuck off this side of the island and go to Archer.”
He whips around, and in a moment, his footsteps crunch against the sand into the dark.
I am so shocked that I close my eyes, cover my face with my hands, and stand still for a while, my head tilted against the door.
Nothing happened that night…
The world suddenly goes too quiet, my heartbeat the loudest noise. My entire body is a pulse. My eyes burn. I want to whimper but hold my breath so I don’t sound pathetic.
My mind is a whirlwind.
I am a virgin.
That thought alone is strange. You think your first time is a rite into proper adulthood. And here I am. Twenty-two. Hating the world and men. And myself with it.
And there is Kai Droga. He called me petal because I liked to draw flowers. He only did that occasionally when we were alone and laughed when he did so.
And then I turned him into a monster in my head, blamed him for an atrocious thing that never happened, and for everything that went wrong with my life afterward.
I can’t even imagine what he feels right now, because the story conjured in my mind is a lie. A lie that even I have a hard time processing.
And I can’t.
I need to be somewhere else.
With someone.
With loud music or others’ voice.
I push off the door and walk back to the bonfire.
Everyone is still there and cheer when I approach.
“Where is Kai?” Ty asks.
But I grab the cup out of Katura’s hand and chug it.
“Whoa, tiger, slow down!” She laughs drunkenly.
I pass the cup to Ty. “Another one.”
He smirks with suspicion but obeys, exchanging glances with Katura.
I chug the next one too, wiping the bitter liquid that drips down my chin.
I haven’t been drunk since the Block Party four years ago. And tonight seems like a good night to repeat yesterday’s mistakes.
I want to go swimming and drown. To sneak to the other side and potentially get shot. The world is shit, but my false memories are even shittier, because I thought that the guy I had a crush on took advantage of me when he, in fact, saved me from regrets.
If I told Abby, she would have laughed at me, then said, “Should’ve answered his calls that day.”
Ha!
And here’s the truth. Kai did call and text me that day. But there was already too much going on, and I thought it was all his fault. So I ghosted him, and everyone else, and got the hell out of Dodge, burning all the bridges behind me.
I want to talk to someone. But there is no one except Abby, and she is on the Westside. I feel lonely and tricked and disgusted with myself. Tears burn my eyes, and I ask Ty for another drink.
