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SHAYE
I managea smile for Rocco Lucchese. Barely. It’s not because I’m not happy to see him, though I would have preferred it being under different circumstances. It’s because of the sight which is currently shredding my insides, at least what’s left of them. My vision is blurry from the tears, but unfortunately for me, not blurry enough.
Those whorey bitches pawing at Nico Salesi like he’s the sizzling steak to their voracious sexual appetites. Have they no respect? Grandpa Vito is lying in his casket not even a foot away from them, and they can’t even keep their disgusting hands to themselves long enough to drop to their knees and say a quick prayer for his soul? They’d rather drop to their knees for other reasons, regardless of the circumstances for why we are all here.
“You look amazing,” Rocco murmurs, his lips curling into a smile. “How was the holiday?”
I nod because there’s a sob inconveniently caught in my throat and if I try to utter a word, I’m afraid it will explode out of me. I adored Grandpa, yes, and I’ve cried a boatload of tears for the man who’d adopted me as his own granddaughter when my own passed away years ago. But this particular sob is reserved for the asshole directly to Grandpa’s left. And said asshole doesn’t deserve one single tear more from me, a fact my annihilated heart can attest to.
Rocco leans in for a hug, taking my silence for sorrow. He’s right, he just doesn’t know who it’s reserved for. I try to tear my eyes away from the Moreno twins. What in the hell are they even groping for? I can’t even see their fucking hands anymore! Bile rises in my throat, and nausea crashes over me.
Nico is not mine. He never was, a fact he’d made perfectly clear when I left for Florida months ago. Something that he’d confirmed with his non-response to my texts and emails. Even after that night…the night I’d felt certain he was going to tell me he loved me, the night I was sure he’d beg me not to leave.
I didn’t want to go to Miami for college. It was more my parents’ choice than anything. They wanted me to get out of New Jersey and away from the dangers associated with being part of the biggest crime family on the East Coast. But I was willing to accept the risks of staying put, especially because I’d be close to Nico.
And even though they’d never admitted to it, my parents saw right through my bullshit excuses for why I should stay in Jersey, and that made them even more determined to ship me off to Florida.
Nico is dangerous, and they didn’t want me anywhere near him.
But it’s hard to flip a switch and expect that feelings you’ve had for the better part of your life will just vacate your heart for good. I couldn’t do it, and I clung to every moment we’d had before I left to begin my freshman year, hoping and praying he’d tell me he loved me, too.
He didn’t. Instead, he took me to dinner at my favorite pizzeria, brought me to his house, surprised me with rainbow cookies from Amici’s Bakery, and kissed me like I was the last woman on Earth. Then, he decimated my dreams for our future and told me he couldn’t be what I needed. What I deserved.
God, I am such an idiot.
I should hate him.
But I don’t. I can’t. I don’t have a single memory of my childhood without him in it. Our fathers were closer than brothers, and just as they’d grown up together, their children did the same. Max, Nico, and I had been inseparable, even though I was six years younger than them. Every birthday party, vacation, barbecue, beach day…Nico and his family were there for all of it, until things fell apart a couple of years ago. I still don’t know the reason for the grudge, but our parents no longer talk. Hell, they barely acknowledge each other in public, and I know they are only here out of respect for Grandpa and not for Nico’s parents. It’s a far cry from the powerful alliance the Salesis and the Orianis had maintained for so many years. And even our moms, who are all too familiar with putting on a happy face for the masses, barely exchange a glance when they’re in the same room together. But regardless of the bad blood between them and Nico’s parents, my parents had always been loyal to Grandpa Vito. He just had that effect on people. He was a tough old man, but he had such a good heart. Until it gave out on him. And it kills me that all of this ugliness kept me away from him before he died. I should have made a visit, I should have called.
I should have done a lot of things.
He’d died alone, and I’ll carry that thought with me until my dying day.
“Lucchese.” I look up just in time to witness the ugly grimace plastered on my older brother Max’s face. He wedges himself between us, forcing Rocco to back away. “You sure didn’t waste any time hauling ass back here. Vito isn’t even in the ground yet, for fuck’s sake.”
Rocco shrugs. “I came to pay my respects.”
Max lets out a snort. “Respect. That’s an interesting word choice for you. How did you not choke on that one?”
“I have a lot of ideas involving choking, Oriani. Wanna see some of them in action?” Rocco clenches his fists, stepping in closer toward Max.
“Hey, stop it!” I hiss, pushing them apart. “It’s a funeral, for Christ’s sake. Remember where you are.”
Rocco smirks. “Not like the old man can banish me again.”
“No, but it doesn’t mean somebody ain’t gonna plug you on his behalf.” Max glowers at Rocco over my head. “Why don’t you take a fucking walk, asshole?”
Rocco looks around the room and catches a disapproving glare from his father Santino. He squeezes my shoulder, not bothering to make eye contact with Max again. “It was good to see you, Shaye. Let’s catch up before you go back to school next month.”
Max stiffens next to me but doesn’t comment.
Rocco returns to his corner, and I roll my eyes at Max. “Max, you can calm down,” I murmur, giving Rocco a little wave. “He was just saying hi. I don’t get in the middle of your issues, so stay out of mine, please.”
“I think they can be classified as more than just ‘my issues’. And as my sister, I’d think you would want to show loyalty to your fucking family over that dickhead.”
“You know my loyalty is with you. I just think that it’s time to let go. Bygones being bygones and all.”
“Jesus Christ. What the hell kind of shit are they teaching you down there? Since when are you so forgiving?”
