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A smile finally plays at her shiny lips, and I slowly expel the breath I suddenly realize I’ve been holding. “You know, I’ve always put off happiness, Nico. Always moving forward with my life, always making plans and having things to look forward to. Do you know why?”
I shake my head. “Tell me.”
She bites her lower lip and stares at the floor for a long minute before speaking. “It’s because the one thing that made me truly happy was out of reach. So, I compensated by looking toward other things that could bring me some satisfaction. It was my way of dealing with my feelings, and it’s worked for me.”
“But?”
“But I don’t want to live that way anymore.”
“I don’t either.”
She furrows her brow but says nothing. She has no idea the torture that I’ve survived all of these years, being so close but never able to reach out and really touch her. Even that night before she left for school…I didn’t let her in. I couldn’t. And not because of Max or her father. I don’t live the kind of life that ends with a happily ever after. There is always too much danger lurking, too many goons with axes to grind, too many power hungry cocksuckers who have nothing to lose. If I’d given in to those feelings, the ones I’ve been harboring for as long as I can remember, then I’d have something to lose.
And losing Shaye because of choices I’ve made and people I’ve crossed…I just couldn’t live with that.
So I made a conscious, logical, and rational choice to let her go.
Burying the temptation to just walk away from everything was easy once Shaye got on that plane, and I dealt with my circumstances…until she came back and sent my whole world into complete upheaval. She makes me realize what I’ve been missing, what I could have in return for all of the money, toys, and power.
And I like the alternative. A lot.
SHAYE
I just boremy soul to this guy, yet again. How much more am I going to give him, for Christ’s sake? Or maybe the more apropos question is how much more is he going to take from me?
But I can’t hold back when it comes to Nico. I never could. It’s why I ended up in his arms so many months ago…and then again the other night…and here I am, back for more of whatever he’s willing to give me tonight.
I keep hoping he’s going to be the one to say the words, but somehow, they all end up tumbling out of my big mouth. Hashtag no filter. Yep, that’s me.
“I’m sorry, Shaye. For everything.”
“I didn’t come here for apologies. I knew what I was doing.” I take a few steps back, because the closer he gets, the readier I am to leap into his arms. And I need to practice some restraint, dammit! I’m just as bad as those Moreno twins. Blech.
“Yeah, but I didn’t know what I was doing. I haven’t for a while.” He averts his eyes, running a hand through his tousled, dark hair. I bite the inside of my mouth, watching his fingers drag through the glossy mess of strands. I flex my fingers to eradicate the twitching sensation of wanting to replace his fingers with my own. God, I want to devour every inch of this man. I want to trace over the cuts of muscle that lay under his clothes, I want to lick each and every indentation along his arms and across his chest. But most of all, I want to taste those perfect lips. I want to feel them command my mouth, my neck, my breasts, and oh God, so much more…
My body temperature climbs about fifty degrees as my mind drifts into the land of salaciousness that is Nico Salesi. No, no, no…I really need to focus here, and not on the carnal desires that have been plaguing me at night while I sleep in my bed. Alone.
“Shaye…” His low, gravelly voice rumbles through me, sending quakes of excitement and anticipation rippling through me.
“Yes?” I whisper. My knees wobble slightly, and I lean back against the banister to steady myself, not convinced I’d be able to control my urges if I grabbed onto Nico instead. No, the banister is a much safer, albeit sobering, option. It will keep me standing upright and won’t make me tingle in places that will cloud my already questionable judgement.
“Do you want some hot chocolate?”
My jaw drops. He knows me too well.
Swiss Miss just happens to be my other kryptonite. Any time I’d been sad about something when I was younger, my mom would always make it for me. It never failed to put a smile on my face. Except that one time Nico attempted to make it just like Mom did…
He failed. Pretty miserably, since he made it with water instead of milk.
“I have the Marshmallow Lover’s kind.” His lips curl into a smirk.
“Yeah, but are they—?”
“Yep. They are. All of your favorite colors.”
I tap a finger against my mouth, pretending to consider his offer even though I know that diluting these sick, lustful fantasies with a little bit of cocoa is a damn smart idea. “Well, then. Look who’s all prepared for visitors.”
“Not just any visitors, Shaye.” His eyes sear a hole into my soul. “Just you.”
