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I did this to myself. I let him fuck me. I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere.
Can I really blame him?
I roll over, facing his back. I place my hand on his arm, too uncertain to speak. I gnaw my lower lip, waiting. Minutes pass, and I take that as a cue to slide even closer, resting my body against his. I close my eyes and take a deep, unsteady breath.
“I want you to go.”
My eyes fly open. “You what?”
He shakes off my hand without even turning around. “Go back to your daddy, go back to school, go back to your little bubble of a life. Just go.”
“But we just…I thought you were…”
“I’m not. I can’t ever be. Just…leave.” He flips over, his eyes so dark they almost look black. With a glare that can freeze ice, he pushes past me, goes into the bathroom, and slams the door.
Short, sharp gasps make my chest quiver. I dress as quickly as I can, consumed by the overwhelming need to get the hell away from him, from this house, and from the fantasies I’d clung to for years that had just shattered around me like a pane of glass.
Thankfully, he lives alone, and I can escape without explaining why my sweater is on backward and why my tights are wrapped around my neck instead of on my legs. I choke back the sobs building in my chest until I collapse into the front seat of my car, the absurdity strikes me that I’d left without my gift. I can’t take it. It would be too much of a painful reminder of…everything. I sit there in the dark with the heat blasting. Metallica blares from the speakers, a perfect match for my dark mood.
He never cared about me. He never would. He was always on the take, but this time he took too much.
I betrayed my family tonight. I lost my virginity tonight. I was ready to give it all up tonight. Give it all away for just a chance that we could repair what was broken between us.
I loved him, and he treated me like shit.
He fucked up.
One thought makes me smile through the hot tears streaming down my face.
I could have him killed.
