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“See? You know what I’m talking about.”

“Why are you telling me all of this, Dad?” The knot at the base of my skull is so damn tight. If it gets any tighter, I’m afraid the pressure will pop out my eyeballs.

“Because I just want you to be aware. Watch your own back because you can’t count on anyone else to do it. I won’t be around much longer, and you need to hear these things. You’re a good person, a smart person. You can read people if you take the time to do it. Don’t be so quick to act, just think first. It’ll save you a lot of headaches later.”

“I hate listening to this stuff.”

“You need to hear it, and I didn’t do a good enough job saying it over the years.” Dad struggles to slide off the stool and slowly walks around the island so he is next to me. He places a hand on my back. “I’m proud of you, Max. I want you to know that. I was shit at telling you because I never wanted to see you relax. I always wanted you to be on your guard, never feeling comfortable because that’s too fucking dangerous. It makes you vulnerable.” He grins and ruffles my hair. “But you’re too much of a lunatic, and that’ll make you vulnerable, too.”

I smile. “I’ve gotten better.”

“Yeah, you have. Just remember to always keep them guessing what your next move will be. Don’t be predictable. Everyone always expects you to fly off the handle. If you don’t, they’ll watch their asses because they won’t know what you have up your sleeve. Don’t make bad choices, Max.” He places his hands on my shoulders. “Don’t get sucked into things that will leak poison into your life and the lives of people you love. And always be careful who you trust. I think you’ve learned that lesson the hard way.”

I nod. “You’re making me want to grab a notebook and pen right now.”

Dad cocks an eyebrow. “And you actually have those around?”

“No.” I snicker. “I said you’re making me want to grab one, not that there’s a stash to pull from.”

“Look, Max. I’ve done a really shitty job at being your father. My reasons don’t matter anymore, and I’ll never have the time to make things right between us, but—”

“Hey,” I say, clapping him gently on the back. “We’re good, Dad. You’ve given me what I need.”

He stares at me for a second, shifting his weight. “I’ve got to lie down again. My head is a little messed up.”

“Are you dizzy? Do you want water?” I hoist him up and help him over to the couch when my iPhone vibrates in my pocket. He settles into the cushions, and I grab my phone on my way back to the kitchen. I scroll up to see a text from Sloane. My throat tightens as I read it.

Are you okay?

With a thudding heart, I lean against the refrigerator door. That’s all. Nothing crazy.

So why do I feel like there’s more behind that question?

I’m good. Thanks for asking. How was last night?

I hold my breath, waiting to see those three gray dots flash on the screen and when they do, I let out a slow shaky breath. Good Christ, what’s wrong with me?

Then the dots disappear. And no message flashes on my screen. I busy myself with pouring my dad a glass of water and check my phone obsessively over the next minute, watching, waiting, hoping…

Until the dots appear again.

And I actually want to cheer.

How fucking pathetic?

It was good. And bad. Not that I should admit it to you.

I walk into the living room with the water and flop onto a chair across from my dad, still focused on my phone, like a horny fucking teenager who’s waiting for a text from his girlfriend saying she wants to have sex with him.

Is the good part about donations?

I hold my breath, waiting for a response, hoping like hell it doesn’t have to do with that doctor instead. Hell, he might be the good and no donations might be the bad. Why should I assume anything different?

It takes way too fucking long to get a response, but when I see it, the tiny little ember of hope flickering deep in my heart ignites.

Yes.

My fingers hover over the keyboard. Do I write what I really want to write? Or do I just ignore it because it’s better for her? Her father’s warning is still fresh in my mind. How can I just ignore all of that? How can I pull her into my toxic life when my days are numbered? It’s not fair. It’s not what she deserves. It’s selfish and self-centered.

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