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BANG!
The gunshot goes off in my mind. I can still hear it.
Along with my mother’s screams.
I go to my knees in front of the blood and touch it.
This … this is all that’s left of her.
Aurora stays behind in the living room, rubbing her lips together without saying a word. But who would know what to say when faced with this kind of cruelty? No one.
This is the kind of misery that would turn any man into a monster.
A monster such as me.
Suddenly, I notice the teddy bear lying on the bed. Eyes glazy, fur covered in dust, but its bow still wrapped tightly around its neck.
I step over the blood and grab the bear off the bed, staring at it for a while.
And for the first time in forever, I hear my mother’s voice, speaking to me in a language I’ve forgotten how to use.
* * *
Age 7
“And the littlebear made its way back home to momma and papa bear, who happily welcomed him back into their arms with a hug,” my mom says, finishing the story.
She puts the bear underneath my blanket like she always does. “Slaap lekker, lief engeltje van me.”
She rarely talks in her native language, but when she does, I always appreciate it even though I don’t speak it myself. My father pushed me to go to an English school very early on. He always told me it was so we could return to America one day.
But I know some of the words she’s spoken. Because lief engeltje means sweet angel, and it makes me smile.
When she gets up from the bed, I say, “Mom?”
“Yes, honey?” She turns to face me. “What’s the matter?”
“Will you and Dad always be here with me?” I ask.
The look on her face fills with worry, and she clutches her own fingers. “Of course, honey.” She puts her hand over my chest. “Even when we’re not physically with you, we will always be here. Inside your heart.”
“Inside me?” I mutter, and she nods. “But what if you get locked inside?”
She giggles. “No silly, not like that.”
“Then how do you get out?” I ask.
She laughs and kisses me on the forehead. “I’ll explain it to you when you’re older. It’s time for sleep now.”
I huddle underneath the blanket with my little bear as she tucks me in.
“Sleep tight, little angel.” She gives me another peck and turns off the light before she leaves.
And for a few minutes, everything is quiet, peaceful, just like how it always is.
BANG!
The loud shot jolts me into an upright position, and I gasp for air, my heart thundering as loudly as that blast just now.
