AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My parents tolerate each other at best. Neither of them are getting any younger, and I think they’re afraid of dying alone. My father turns sixty-one this year, and my mother will be sixty. At that age, who wants to start over?
I’d be scared, too.
Hell, I’m scared right now.
Of the way I feel for him. Of the power he has over me. The power to destroy my heart. Power I gave him without a second though.
You’re an idiot, Andrea.
Yup. Even my subconscious knows what a big mistake I made.
Four more weeks. Then I can leave here and start over. I’ll take what’s left of my heart and pray there’s someone out there who can mend the broken pieces. Someone who’s meant just for me.
Shaking away the thoughts, I turn my attention back to my professor. He’s walking my way, his eyes locked on mine. Either I’ve been busted for zoning out or he’s just having a bad day. The scowl on his face gives nothing away. It’s the same expression he’s worn since day one.
“You have ten minutes to decide your topic. Please turn them in to Ms. Morris.” He motions to me, and I wave enthusiastically. It’s more for show than anything. Maybe if I smile and pretend to be excited he’ll think I was paying attention after all. “She’ll bring them to my office after class.”
Or not.
He’s definitely aware I zoned out. This is my punishment. I get to run across campus to drop off topics to him and sprint back in less than fifteen minutes for my next class. It won’t be easy, especially considering I chose to wear a dress and heeled sandals today, but I’ll make it work.
At least my next professor isn’t a dick. He probably won’t even notice if I slip in late.
Taking the large, manila envelope he’s extended in my direction, I nod in understanding and avert my eyes quickly. I still have to come up with my own topic, and I’ve spent the last forty minutes mentally beating myself up.
Didn’t I just do that for the last seven days?
Sure did, and it ruined what should have been a perfect vacation in paradise. It’s about time I stop.
That’s the thing about guilt. It refuses to let go of the grip it has on your soul. It wraps itself around you and holds on for the ride, laughing the entire time.
Look at the wrong person, guilt smacks you across the face.
Think about them, guilt’s there to remind you why you shouldn’t.
Get close enough to smell their woodsy scent? Throat punch.
Guilt is a bitch. The only way to get rid of it is to clear your conscience.
Like you have the balls to do that.
She’s right. I don’t. Because telling my truth would destroy more lives than my own. And if I’m going to hell, I don’t find it necessary to bring company.
Four more weeks.
I can survive that long. I’ll just lock myself in my apartment. I’ve been doing it all semester, what’s a few more weeks? Everything is going to be fine.
I’ll suffer so she doesn’t have to.
I’ll pretend I’m not miserable, that my heart’s not broken, the way I have been the last two years.
My heart for hers.
By keeping what happened a secret, I’m saving her from the heartbreak. That’s what friends do. They jump in front of a moving car to push you out of the way. They sacrifice themselves, their own happiness, so you can find yours.
As soon as the professor is out the door, students crowd my desk, thrusting papers in my face. I slide them all in the envelope one by one and stare down at my blank form. I’m the last one left. Alone.
Again.
