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“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he praises, his words spoken so softly I can barely hear him over the pounding of my heart as another orgasm begins to bloom.
Pushing himself up, Jay reaches beneath my ass and lifts me, his already impressive length going even deeper as he continues to drive into me.
“Again,” he demands. “I want one more.”
“I can’t,” I lie as my inner walls clench, making him feel that much larger.
“You can. We can. Together.”
“Harder,” I hear myself demand. Two deep, punishing thrusts and I’m coming again, Jay’s release following mine within seconds.
My body is exhausted. My heart pounding but content.
It’s my mind that refuses to leave me alone.
As soon as Jay pulls out of me, the only thing I can think is that I slept with Sam’s boyfriend. That I’ve betrayed her in a way that I’ll never forgive myself for. It doesn’t matter she’s no longer here. That she’s been gone for five years. That I did my best to stay away.
I took what I wanted, and he wasn’t mine to take. He’ll always belong to Sam.
“Are you okay?” I hear Jay ask as he wipes away the tears I didn’t even realize were falling.
“I don’t know.” It’s a lie, but how can I tell him the truth? That I’m lying naked next to him, regretting what just happened while feeling completely content at the same time. I’m a hot mess and my emotions are all over the place.
“Tell me what’s wrong and we’ll find a way to make it right, Drea. I promise.”
“You will always be Sam’s and we’ve dishonored her memory.” My honesty catches me off guard.
Jay frowns at my confession as he wipes away another set of stray tears. “Sam and I had a complicated relationship. She wanted more than I was willing to give her from the start. I think she knew I was in love with someone else, but she wasn’t ready to let me go. She wasn’t ready to move on. She fought hard to make our relationship work even when it became obvious that it couldn’t.
“So, I slowly pulled away, hoping she would break up with me. I was a coward. I shouldn’t have let it go on as long as it did. I shouldn’t have been afraid to break up with her, but I was. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Sam because I did care about her. She was my friend before anything, and I wanted to remain that way.”
“But you led her on for years, Jay. Years.” I’m yelling at him even though his face isn’t even a foot from mine.
“I know, and I’m not proud of it. I’d go back and change things if I could. Perhaps she would still be here if I’d manned up and called it quits. Maybe she would have found someone else that made her happy and he would have picked her up from work that night. What I know for sure, though, is that no matter when we broke up or who made the decision, you wouldn’t have given me a chance back then. You would have stuck by Sam’s side no matter what.
“There are no sides anymore, Drea. You aren’t stuck in the middle. You’re not being pulled in two different directions. It’s just me and you. Two people who have cared for each other for a long time and deserve a chance to see where this life can take them. Together. To find out if the feelings they’ve harbored for years are real.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I reach up and caress Jay’s face.
I want his words to be true. For us to be able to entertain the idea of being together. Without guilt nagging at me. I don’t think it’s possible, but right now, as he rolls his body on top of mine and presses his lips to the side of my neck, I want to make it my reality. I want to try. I want to let go of the past and open my eyes to the possibility of a future with the only man who’s ever held a piece of my heart.
