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I sometimes forget how close everyone was with Mr. Palmer. The Graham brothers practically grew up in this house. Finn and Max have been best friends since they were kids. And Brady moved here just before high school. I've always been the odd man out. If I hadn't met Max at freshman orientation, I probably wouldn't be here right now. I know I wouldn't be a part of the fraternity. I sure as hell wouldn't have picked Brady as my roommate. And my college experience would have been completely different.
"He was a good man. A great man." My words are barely above a whisper as I clap Declan on the back. Before I can say more, Kendall reappears and drags Declan away. I watch as they cuddle up on a lounge chair, their conversation hushed.
Next to them are Willow and Finn. Also sharing a lounge chair. Also snuggled together. Happy. In love.
And standing behind the four of them, talking with his parents, is Micah. At his side is Alexis. He's running his hand up and down her back. Her head is resting on his shoulder.
This summer changed a lot of things. Some days I don't notice the changes. Everything looks and feels the same. Other days, that's all I can see. I feel the dynamic shift. It's hard not to notice the absence of someone or the addition of someone else. Guys’ nights seem fewer and far between. And even when we are able to get together, more often than not someone is missing.
Glancing around, I can't help but feel somewhat alone. And it has nothing to do with the fact my friends are coupled up. Or that the one girl I want to be with just left. It's a feeling that's been slowly compounding over the last year.
Baseball has always filled that void for me. It consumes most of my time and focus during the season. If I'm not practicing or working out, I generally have a game. Then there's classes, the fraternity, work... Guys’ nights are what I look forward to. Sitting around the poker table, even though I lose most of my money. Drinking a few beers. Relaxing.
I need something to look forward to.
I need my crew.
I need that time. To relax, unwind. To relieve a little stress.
And I have a feeling our group is going to get smaller and smaller as time goes by. Because all my friends are falling in love.
Including me.
The only difference is they're happy. They got the girl.
And I didn't.
